[ He doesn't realize how tight his chest is, admitting those feelings, until Sylvain meets them with yet another kiss. This...isn't a rejection. This isn't a stern, calculated talk about why they can't be whatever it is they already are.
And that's before Sylvain starts talking. Basch holds his face, eyes wide. He wouldn't dare interrupt, not when he can sense how private this is for Sylvain. But he wants to brush that shame away, hold the other for all he's endured.
By the time their gazes meet again, Basch's are wet with silent tear tracks, but he doesn't flinch away. This isn't the first time Sylvain has said some of these things -- that he'd chosen Basch, that Basch was the first person who'd wanted him for him -- but it makes more sense now. And -- maybe he's ready to hear it, finally.
He inclines his head, still raw, still shy, but he kisses Sylvain with gentle warmth, tracing their noises together and breathing out shakily, trying to find his own words. ]
I'm...not used to my choice being very welcome, or worth very much. I've fallen for too many people I couldn't have, and told to know my place, and they always had obligations that superseded me. I don't begrudge them that. [ He rubs his thumb against Sylvain's jaw, his other arm finally coming up to hold the other, now that he knows the shelter of it is still welcome. ]
I know what a misery it was to them, too. I never wanted to make that harder. I think...I keep expecting something like that to come between us. I really, truly hadn't considered that -- we wanted each other.
[ And then he laughs, a strained incredulous bark, because that's entirely wrong. ]
No, no, I knew. I hadn't considered we could want each other and just...have each other. It's never that easy. Except with you it has been, and I -- I was, am so afraid if I acknowledge that, if I let myself really feel how important and irreplaceable you are to me, that...it will truly break me to lose you. [ There's a silent sob on the heel of that admission, a fear he's been trying to clamp down for months, but today he just lets it propel him back to Sylvain's lips, kissing harder this time, holding his lover and the man who has, for reasons still unfathomable to him, chosen over and over to land in his arms and meet him with patience. ]
no subject
And that's before Sylvain starts talking. Basch holds his face, eyes wide. He wouldn't dare interrupt, not when he can sense how private this is for Sylvain. But he wants to brush that shame away, hold the other for all he's endured.
By the time their gazes meet again, Basch's are wet with silent tear tracks, but he doesn't flinch away. This isn't the first time Sylvain has said some of these things -- that he'd chosen Basch, that Basch was the first person who'd wanted him for him -- but it makes more sense now. And -- maybe he's ready to hear it, finally.
He inclines his head, still raw, still shy, but he kisses Sylvain with gentle warmth, tracing their noises together and breathing out shakily, trying to find his own words. ]
I'm...not used to my choice being very welcome, or worth very much. I've fallen for too many people I couldn't have, and told to know my place, and they always had obligations that superseded me. I don't begrudge them that. [ He rubs his thumb against Sylvain's jaw, his other arm finally coming up to hold the other, now that he knows the shelter of it is still welcome. ]
I know what a misery it was to them, too. I never wanted to make that harder. I think...I keep expecting something like that to come between us. I really, truly hadn't considered that -- we wanted each other.
[ And then he laughs, a strained incredulous bark, because that's entirely wrong. ]
No, no, I knew. I hadn't considered we could want each other and just...have each other. It's never that easy. Except with you it has been, and I -- I was, am so afraid if I acknowledge that, if I let myself really feel how important and irreplaceable you are to me, that...it will truly break me to lose you. [ There's a silent sob on the heel of that admission, a fear he's been trying to clamp down for months, but today he just lets it propel him back to Sylvain's lips, kissing harder this time, holding his lover and the man who has, for reasons still unfathomable to him, chosen over and over to land in his arms and meet him with patience. ]