Though she understands why he would call it a failing, Ashe finds it impossible to agree that it is. Like him, she could deny this for the greater good if she needed to, and while there are more than a few alarm bells ringing in her mind, Ashe can't quite convince herself that she needs to. She likes to believe she knows when she's being selfish, but at this moment the line has never felt more blurred. A thousand ways and reasons she could let this happen run through her thoughts, and, in a far weaker voice, the reasons why it mustn't.
"Basch," Ashe's hands tighten into fists before relaxing, and for a moment her arms seem to tense and she looks like she's on the verge of reaching for him before deciding to keep holding back. "I have only ever been a companion out of obligation. You speak of desire, and yet I wonder if I've ever known such a thing before."
She takes a deep breath, determined to get through this, for both of their sakes. Even if she doesn't know how to reach for him physically, she can be as transparent as he has been with her.
"But, even though I have never been an object of sincere desire, that does not mean I do not understand what it feels like to want." Trailing off her eyes narrow at him, pointed and hesitant, so close to spelling it out and losing the thread at the last moment, her lips purse in frustration, and she does what she can to finish her thought, in the most basic and idiotic sounding way possible– "Basch."
His heart aches, and not for the continued belief this is a diplomatic dismissal. To only be a companion out of obligation. It isn't foreign to him, and so he knows the weight. Still, most -- himself included -- had had moments of mutual want, pockets of intimacy, even if nothing came of it. That she has been so alone makes him want to gather her to him and lavish her wish gentle touches.
The strength of that want nearly bowls him over, and he'd be grappling with it were she not still speaking.
And then he's blinking, mouth open, because if he knows her at all, he knows how she stumbles when one of them has found something to engage her with which she does not know how to speak. His heart is warning him to step back lest he bruise himself worse, but every piece of knowing his charge tells him that she's trying to--
"If you desire my companionship, it is already yours," he says, skin prickling with fiery self-consciousness. This is past what he rehearsed, past any sense of safe territory, and yet some protective part of him wants her to feel the way she -- Ashe, not the position of princess -- is cherished.
He could say more, but, he knows what it is to be overwhelmed with a more experienced person offering things he did not know how to receive, let alone direct his preference on. Carefully, slowly, he gets to his feet, watching for any change in her demeanor. His heart beats so thunderously he feels sure he will lose his balance again, but he reaches her all the same, holding his hands palm-up in an invitation for hers. Nothing about this is proper. He does not like standing above her, does not like being the one to lead, does not know what to say. But he offers her a smile, one that he lets warm his eyes and soften his face. "Serving you makes my heart full, my lady. If I may do that more deeply, then I am eager to."
Her heart slides somewhere up by her throat watching Basch rise to his feet and hold out his hands for her. If she had been allowed to choose, it isn't hard to imagine choosing someone exactly like him, if not the man himself - as devoted as she to Dalmasca, unfalteringly brave, loyal despite insurmountable odds as she aspires to be with every weighty choice she's made so far. The troubles that wear on her aren't unlike the burdens he carries, and, beyond all that - he is a good man, handsome and true - the sort of man any woman would think fondly of.
It's affection that pulls her to her feet now, her hands taking hold of both of his. She blows by all her hesitance when their eyes meet, going so far as to let her hands squeeze his briefly when she takes a few steps closer.
"I do not wish to see it as serving me, Basch." Her only frame of reference may be limited, but of this, Ashe feels sure. "When we're alone, I would like to merely be - with you." Just Ashe, the person, rather than a princess on the cusp of taking back her country.
Whatever grasp he had on decorum is gone. She takes his hands, and a smile lights up his face in a way he can't remember feeling since he was a boy. This is absurd and surreal and right now, despite all his better judgement, he does not care.
"Alright," he agrees, voice low and warm. She's as close as she was last night, and the same desire to press his lips to hers stirs again. He doesn't want her to think his motivations are primarily carnal, but he is also aware such talk has not frightened her off. And -- if she really has not had that sort of warmth in her life, he thinks very deeply that she deserves to.
"In the spirit of confession, I would kiss you if you will allow it."
It's been so long since anyone's kissed her that Ashe freezes for a moment, her eyes darting downward before she nods and meets his gaze once more. Her heart was already racing, yet when he smiles so adoringly, in a way she knows she'd never seen before, it found a fresh burst of speed to put on.
Again her hands tighten their hold on his, and Ashe forgets herself, her shoulders relaxing as her face softens into a smile of her own, slight and very gentle, but warmed by the affection for him that she's finally allowing herself to feel openly.
"I would be kissed by you." As often as time and privacy allow, but, she can't quite yet work up the nerve to admit that, even as she's looking up at him and waiting to feel his mouth on hers, her hands aching to reach up and touch the side of his face to guide him closer, but not able to permit it of herself.
He'd have been elated with a positive response in any capacity, but the way her grip tightens and her posture softens sends weakness through his knees. A breathless laugh of incredulous joy escapes him.
Hands clasping hers, he closes the narrowing space between them. It's been a long time for him as well, and the warm flesh of her lips feels unbelievably soft and warm. He'd only intended a peck, but he finds himself pressing a little harder, lingering in her touch as his thumbs stroke the back of her calloused hands.
That rogue part of him wants to cup her face, put his other hand on her back and press her to him, kiss along her cheek to the place behind her ear where the hair begins to grow. But he is not so bold, and truly, his heart is already beating so hard that he does not trust himself.
She's never seen him be so soft before, and while she isn't quite as relaxed into this as Basch is, Ashe privately delights in seeing him this way. So caught up in taking in every detail while he leans down to kiss her, she's taken by surprise when their lips finally meet, inhaling a quick gasp of surprise before the feeling of being touched like this bowls her over.
Not wanting him to pull away she lets herself be brave and release one of his hands so that she can settle hers on his shoulder. Ashe can't pull him in like her racing heart wants her to, but she can hope he realizes how much she wants him to stay close to her.
Lost to the warmth of his lips against hers, she sighs almost dreamily into that kiss, finally giving in to the desire to run her fingers over his cheek, shivering as she feels the hairs of his beard beneath her hand. It's not something she's let herself wonder about for long, but now that she's touching him, having her curiosity sated is already proving to be a brilliant, heady feeling.
That gentle touch on his shoulder is more than enough to keep him here with her, in this moment, and as he begins to realize her affection for him may well have been as well-guarded as his own. It is as though he is in battle, the way his body is deciding faster than his head, and when she sighs and tenderly brushes his cheek, he hums with contentment, letting his floating hand settle onto the back of her ribcage.
She is at once slight and elegant but strong and solid. He knows if they drew swords, she likely could best him. Her ferocity easily made up for his experience. Perhaps that is what makes her tenderness so precious. He has never seen her so soft and it fills his heart that she trusts him so.
There's a moment when she's all but certain he's cast Float on her while she wasn't looking, the feeling of walking on air all too vivid to just be a product of how completely jubilant she is having kissed him. That her feet remain on solid ground is about as unbelievable as the fact that he does care for her as she's secretly cared for him.
Not wishing to pull back but too unsure of how long it's permissible to linger, Ashe breaks away from that kiss, her lips still parted as she looks up at Basch's face with dazed, stunned eyes, the pad of her thumb still tracing over his cheek.
"I must admit, that was better than the times I've imagined it."
He's starting to wonder if this isn't a dream. Her face lingers near his, and his eyes fall shut at the gentle caress of her thumb on his cheek, the latter nearly more electrifying than the former. The desire to study her wins out, and he's rewarded with an expression that mirrors his heart.
"You've imagined it?" he repeats, eyes widening. It is one thing to have his affections accepted and another entirely to have them so deeply returned. There's a sense of pride and warmth in him, elated to be fulfilling something she had privately wanted, and a deep respect at how well she'd guarded her own desire. It's not something he will take lightly, not also knowing this is new territory for her.
His reaction to being told that she's pictured this fills Ashe's face with warmth, leaving her fighting off a blush - but just barely - a credit to her royal training, all things considered.
"You have not?" He must have, considering everything he's said to her, every confession that resounded with her and left her feeling like getting this close to Basch might be alright.
"More than I would have cared to admit," he assures her. He's flushing too, in part in being so transparent and in part because those fantasies hardly stopped at kissing, but his desire to show her the wantedness she has not experienced is larger than his pride.
He squeezes her hand as he tips his lips to hers again, guiding her hand up to his shoulder. His own hold shifts more solidly around her, gingerly letting their bodies press closer to flush.
Unsure of what to do next Ashe keeps her hand on his shoulder, staying still right up until he guides her body closer to his and she's unable to stop herself from letting her arm wrap around his neck and pull him closer as their lips meet for a second time.
The hand still on his cheek brushes through his coarse beard hair as her heart skips a beat, relishing in the knowledge that after so much time spent secretly thinking about what it would feel like to touch him, Ashe finally can now.
"I'm happy then," she breathes against his mouth. "That you admit it now."
What grasp he has on his composure is slipping. If it weren't for being able to feel every tiny detail of this -- the weight of her arm, the gentle roughness of her hand, the heat of her body -- he'd be sure he was hallucinating.
"As am I. I hadn't considered this outcome," he admits. He tips his forehead against hers, wanting to stay close but paralyzed by the thought of going any farther. This is already so far beyond his wildest expectations.
Her eyes flutter closed as he rests his forehead against hers, she cradles his cheek in her hand and hugs him closer, wanting to feel him nearer but not sure how to go about that beyond just hanging on and enjoying the moment for what it is.
"It's still difficult to imagine, isn't it? I fear I don't know how it will work, but, I'm very happy to learn."
As she presses closer, he holds her more firmly. A contented sigh escapes him as he breathes in her scent, heart racing and mind blank.
"We have both carried impossible burdens," he murmurs, his heart full to bursting with every additional affirmation that she wants this. "I do not know how this will work either, but, I believe it something we can successfully navigate in partnership."
Partnership. It's bold and almost crass, elevating himself as her companion and even equal, but she has asked, and he will honor that.
"Shall we take lunch together? And perhaps you'd like to join me when I visit the armorer this afternoon?"
He steps back a little, arms still around her, feeling for all the world like an awkward youth. He just wants to be with her, whatever they are doing.
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"Basch," Ashe's hands tighten into fists before relaxing, and for a moment her arms seem to tense and she looks like she's on the verge of reaching for him before deciding to keep holding back. "I have only ever been a companion out of obligation. You speak of desire, and yet I wonder if I've ever known such a thing before."
She takes a deep breath, determined to get through this, for both of their sakes. Even if she doesn't know how to reach for him physically, she can be as transparent as he has been with her.
"But, even though I have never been an object of sincere desire, that does not mean I do not understand what it feels like to want." Trailing off her eyes narrow at him, pointed and hesitant, so close to spelling it out and losing the thread at the last moment, her lips purse in frustration, and she does what she can to finish her thought, in the most basic and idiotic sounding way possible– "Basch."
no subject
The strength of that want nearly bowls him over, and he'd be grappling with it were she not still speaking.
And then he's blinking, mouth open, because if he knows her at all, he knows how she stumbles when one of them has found something to engage her with which she does not know how to speak. His heart is warning him to step back lest he bruise himself worse, but every piece of knowing his charge tells him that she's trying to--
"If you desire my companionship, it is already yours," he says, skin prickling with fiery self-consciousness. This is past what he rehearsed, past any sense of safe territory, and yet some protective part of him wants her to feel the way she -- Ashe, not the position of princess -- is cherished.
He could say more, but, he knows what it is to be overwhelmed with a more experienced person offering things he did not know how to receive, let alone direct his preference on. Carefully, slowly, he gets to his feet, watching for any change in her demeanor. His heart beats so thunderously he feels sure he will lose his balance again, but he reaches her all the same, holding his hands palm-up in an invitation for hers. Nothing about this is proper. He does not like standing above her, does not like being the one to lead, does not know what to say. But he offers her a smile, one that he lets warm his eyes and soften his face. "Serving you makes my heart full, my lady. If I may do that more deeply, then I am eager to."
no subject
It's affection that pulls her to her feet now, her hands taking hold of both of his. She blows by all her hesitance when their eyes meet, going so far as to let her hands squeeze his briefly when she takes a few steps closer.
"I do not wish to see it as serving me, Basch." Her only frame of reference may be limited, but of this, Ashe feels sure. "When we're alone, I would like to merely be - with you." Just Ashe, the person, rather than a princess on the cusp of taking back her country.
no subject
"Alright," he agrees, voice low and warm. She's as close as she was last night, and the same desire to press his lips to hers stirs again. He doesn't want her to think his motivations are primarily carnal, but he is also aware such talk has not frightened her off. And -- if she really has not had that sort of warmth in her life, he thinks very deeply that she deserves to.
"In the spirit of confession, I would kiss you if you will allow it."
no subject
Again her hands tighten their hold on his, and Ashe forgets herself, her shoulders relaxing as her face softens into a smile of her own, slight and very gentle, but warmed by the affection for him that she's finally allowing herself to feel openly.
"I would be kissed by you." As often as time and privacy allow, but, she can't quite yet work up the nerve to admit that, even as she's looking up at him and waiting to feel his mouth on hers, her hands aching to reach up and touch the side of his face to guide him closer, but not able to permit it of herself.
no subject
Hands clasping hers, he closes the narrowing space between them. It's been a long time for him as well, and the warm flesh of her lips feels unbelievably soft and warm. He'd only intended a peck, but he finds himself pressing a little harder, lingering in her touch as his thumbs stroke the back of her calloused hands.
That rogue part of him wants to cup her face, put his other hand on her back and press her to him, kiss along her cheek to the place behind her ear where the hair begins to grow. But he is not so bold, and truly, his heart is already beating so hard that he does not trust himself.
no subject
Not wanting him to pull away she lets herself be brave and release one of his hands so that she can settle hers on his shoulder. Ashe can't pull him in like her racing heart wants her to, but she can hope he realizes how much she wants him to stay close to her.
Lost to the warmth of his lips against hers, she sighs almost dreamily into that kiss, finally giving in to the desire to run her fingers over his cheek, shivering as she feels the hairs of his beard beneath her hand. It's not something she's let herself wonder about for long, but now that she's touching him, having her curiosity sated is already proving to be a brilliant, heady feeling.
no subject
She is at once slight and elegant but strong and solid. He knows if they drew swords, she likely could best him. Her ferocity easily made up for his experience. Perhaps that is what makes her tenderness so precious. He has never seen her so soft and it fills his heart that she trusts him so.
no subject
Not wishing to pull back but too unsure of how long it's permissible to linger, Ashe breaks away from that kiss, her lips still parted as she looks up at Basch's face with dazed, stunned eyes, the pad of her thumb still tracing over his cheek.
"I must admit, that was better than the times I've imagined it."
no subject
"You've imagined it?" he repeats, eyes widening. It is one thing to have his affections accepted and another entirely to have them so deeply returned. There's a sense of pride and warmth in him, elated to be fulfilling something she had privately wanted, and a deep respect at how well she'd guarded her own desire. It's not something he will take lightly, not also knowing this is new territory for her.
no subject
"You have not?" He must have, considering everything he's said to her, every confession that resounded with her and left her feeling like getting this close to Basch might be alright.
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He squeezes her hand as he tips his lips to hers again, guiding her hand up to his shoulder. His own hold shifts more solidly around her, gingerly letting their bodies press closer to flush.
no subject
The hand still on his cheek brushes through his coarse beard hair as her heart skips a beat, relishing in the knowledge that after so much time spent secretly thinking about what it would feel like to touch him, Ashe finally can now.
"I'm happy then," she breathes against his mouth. "That you admit it now."
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"As am I. I hadn't considered this outcome," he admits. He tips his forehead against hers, wanting to stay close but paralyzed by the thought of going any farther. This is already so far beyond his wildest expectations.
no subject
"It's still difficult to imagine, isn't it? I fear I don't know how it will work, but, I'm very happy to learn."
no subject
"We have both carried impossible burdens," he murmurs, his heart full to bursting with every additional affirmation that she wants this. "I do not know how this will work either, but, I believe it something we can successfully navigate in partnership."
Partnership. It's bold and almost crass, elevating himself as her companion and even equal, but she has asked, and he will honor that.
"Shall we take lunch together? And perhaps you'd like to join me when I visit the armorer this afternoon?"
He steps back a little, arms still around her, feeling for all the world like an awkward youth. He just wants to be with her, whatever they are doing.