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[bardische]

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[bardische]

[ He's not very good at having his experiences noticed and sympathized with. It doesn't feel bad, it just isn't something he knows how to react to, and that makes him uncomfortable.

But Olivine's gentle kiss and acknowledgement that their private dynamic can have clarity even if their public doesn't is enough to make him seek out the other's hand to squeeze, not quite trusting his words until he can organize them. ]

I will default to being careful; I do not want to cost you anything. And I don't mind if I am a secret. Having your affection and companionship means a good deal to me, and is more than enough.

[massochism]

Basch... [his fingers squeeze warmly in turn, chuckling softly.] It's hard for me to think of you costing me anything, I admit. If anything, I was at more of a risk of forsaking what I am before this.

And I don't want you to be a secret forever. Even if it's difficult... even then, I think I can show people that this is good for me, and not bad for the church.

[he laughs as he finishes, eyes closing.]

Sorry... that's a bit of a lofty goal that might feel like too much. Right now, I'm just going to take everything day by day. There's no reason to rush, when we already have each other.

[bardische]

[ Normally, being laughed at leaves him feeling shamed and unwanted. But the way Olivine laughs off this concern makes him feel...wanted. Even if his heart doesn't quite believe Olivine will still feel that way in time. ]

Day by day is a good pace. I will follow your lead for how secret or public we are. But...I agree it's good for you.

[ He doesn't know how deep the isolation goes, but the way the villagers treated Olivine....the way the man is so eager to confide...he shouldn't be that alone. ]

[massochism]

Yes. For both of us, I hope.

[a good pace and good for them, both. right now though, he can feel the strain of sex settling in, and so he lets it. relaxing is remarkably easy like this, comfortable and warm.]

Mmn... I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I think I'll sleep well tonight.

[bardische]

[ Basch holds him a little tighter, not quite trusting his voice. A partner caring about his well-being is...not something he's used to.

He melts, though, at Olivine settling so comfortably against him. Knowing he doesn't have to let go, or sneak away, feels surreal. ]

I...feel the same [ he admits, still stroking Olivine gently. He doesn't notice his own body relaxing, tired from the transformation, tired from the sex, and tired from the way he's carried being alone for so long. ]

[massochism]

I'm glad.

[it's all he feels the need to say, or maybe just all he can manage to think of in that moment. sleep comes remarkably easily, his expression relaxing in a way that's subtly different from his normal serenity. a little bit tired, endlessly pleased.

the next morning is an easy one too, with just brief interruptions of those who want to say goodbye to Olivine. it really does seem, despite his lofty pedestal, that they do like him quite a lot—it's just not worked out well for his mental state. after breakfast, it's perhaps half a day's travel to the city, its shimmering waters and bustling markets coming into view and hearing from a decent distance. it's... a very bright city, with many of its buildings made from the white sands and stone native to the region, and the church with its blue stained glass stands tall at the center of it all.

all in all, the reception here is a little different, too. some of it is more subtle—but it's immediately clear that at least the citizens here have spent a good amount of time around him. Olivine is still Your Holiness, but they actually have reasons to talk with him in most cases, he knows them by name, and there's not nearly so much attempting to gift him things. they also regard Basch with much more plain curiosity than hostility here, as obvious as it is he's a guest of the priest's.]

[bardische]

[ That morning is surreal. Basch wakes up slowly, warm and safe, and with a sweet man in his arms. It's a dream he doesn't want to wake up from, and as he slowly comes to, a few silent tears leak from his eyes again, satisfactorily gone by the time Olivine stirs.

It's odd, going back into town after what feels like such a profound change in their relationship. It isn't the first time he's experienced this, but he's never felt the pull to take a hand in his or glance sidelong at his lover the way he does now. He resists, of course; he refuses to cause Olivine any problems. They have each other, and that is more than Basch ever thought he would have. Still isn't sure he ought to have that much.

He carries what Olivine will let him, and for the first time in over a year, heads toward a place with a real population. The dread coils in his stomach, but he does his best to hide it, even if his heart pounds as they cross in. It's so large, and everything is blindingly white. So many people speak to Olivine, many of them showing interest in Basch, who tries to be polite but invisible.

It doesn't remotely rival the size of Rabanastre, but he's so out of practice being around people anymore. He wants to tuck his tail between his legs and run. Literally, which is a concerning thought he uneasily pushes away.

Finally they make it into the church. It's not a space Basch has any real familiarity with, but it is cool, and a good deal quieter, and some greedy part of him wants to have Olivine alone for just a moment, even though they already had so much time this morning. It won't be unreasonable to not get any time with the other for days; all of his tolerances have faded to nothing. He feels shy, like he's already forgetting how to be a man, and he says nothing. ]

[massochism]

[he tries, at least, to take most of the attention from Basch. it's been something he's gotten used to noticing—the man tends to be so skittish in groups, always wanting to be watching but not interacting really. whether that's a case of learned discomfort or introversion doesn't really matter at this juncture.

and it's well past mass when they arrive at the church, so aside from the handful of priests finishing their duties and preparing to head home, regarding the two with little more than a friendly nod or brief greeting along the way. Olivine keeps close to Basch throughout, taking him on a short tour of the church's facilities. once they're past the public-facing area though, he reaches to take the other's hand.]

Sorry for all that. It was probably a bit overwhelming... [he's certainly more relaxed now that they're here, in the relative quiet and comfort of the church with just Basch for company.] There isn't all that much to see now, and I'll have your bedroom set up tomorrow, so we can settle in and decide what to do with the rest of the day soon.

[bardische]

[ It startles him when Olivine's hand slides into his, not because it's unwelcome, but because he didn't expect such an unguarded display of affection, even if they are alone; it's still a church, and someone could still see them.

That doesn't stop him from twining his fingers back, hold loose enough that Olivine could easily pull away as needed, but firm enough to ground them both. At Olivine's apology, he shakes his head, gaze on the floor. He doesn't want the other to feel any sort of guilt for their being back in his home and place of work. ]

I just haven't been in a city in a long time, and even longer since I was there without a duty.

[ Olivine is his duty now, but he hasn't decided the best way to approach being a Guard when it's not culturally expected, and when Olivine really is not in any danger in his daily life. All he knows is he doesn't want to cause problems. ]

Should I find a room in an inn tonight, then?

[massochism]

I guessed as much. I still would have liked to have given you a slightly gentler introduction to it.

[not guilt, per se, but empathy. his fingers squeeze gently as they walk, humming softly at the question. at this point... he's not surprised Basch asks it, actually. because of that, he can let himself lean in a little before he speaks, to remind the blond where he wants him to be.]

If you'd like, you can. But it could be... our little secret that it's not prepared yet, too. I just don't want to spend too much time away from you, right now.

[God, he feels so selfish just uttering the words.]

[bardische]

[ Basch isn't sure anything really would have made him comfortable, so he doesn't say anything. But the squeeze at his hand does call his gaze to Olivine's face, and there's a warmth to his own expression he doesn't realize. It only deepens as Olivine leans into him. ]

If you're comfortable, then I'll gladly stay at your side.

[ Gods, if he knew the other thought it was selfish, he'd -- perhaps not successfully toss that aside, but at least assure Olivine that he wanted him to be selfish, so long as it did not endanger the priest. ]

[massochism]

I'm very comfortable. I'm... quite certain I slept better last night than I have in a long time.

[not that he's ever slept that badly on average, but still. he feels much more refreshed than he's even used to. it's... pleasant, to say the least.

before too long, they'll reach the even quieter back rooms, most of them with open doors and neatly made beds visible inside. just a handful of them, and one closed door nearer the back. Olivine opens it without a hint of hesitation, stepping inside and glancing to the taller man.

the room itself is small but serviceable, and fairly plain, all things considered. there's a writing desk off to one side, the bed and its little nightstand and lamp, and a dresser against the foot of it. everything is plain white (a shared characteristic with the open rooms, if he'd glanced in any), though a few items do rest on the desk. mostly little slivers of gems and rocks, a few neatly arranged sets of jewelry.]

This is it, really. It's nothing special, but the space is comfortable—yours will be much the same, whenever you need to use it.

[bardische]

[ He's...not sure what to say to that, even if it makes his chest feel warm and tight, so he just nods, squeezing Olivine's hand.

The rooms, at least, are more familiar to him. Not wildly different from barracks, though with the higher status of not having to share. Funny, really, that now he wants to. But practically speaking, it will be good for them to have separate spaces to keep what few material possessions they have. And, should they have a disagreement...space to be apart.

Gods, is he really doing this? ]

Is it important that no one see us entering or leaving the other's room? Or anything else I should know about protocol here?

[massochism]

No, there shouldn't be any problems with it. Generally speaking, there aren't many people here, and it's known that I like to check on guests from time to time. Since you've been traveling with me, it also makes sense that you would be welcome to see me for any questions you may have.

[has he been thinking about all of these things since Basch agreed to stay? perhaps. it's so nice, honestly, being able to just... come and go as they please.]

I suppose we'll need to keep a little quiet whenever there are other guests, but...

[he already knows they have ways through that, at least. and it won't be too often.]

[bardische]

[ Basch finally starts to relax. Maybe because there are solutions to the danger. Maybe more importantly because he doesn't feel like a liability to Olivine. But maybe most importantly because it's so clear the other has thought about this. This isn't an ill-conceived whim that Basch as the older man ought to prevent for both their safety.

Still, he takes note that being seen with a partner isn't on Olivine's list, so he'll still be discreet.

Right now, though, he leans his shoulder a little heavier against the other, emboldened by the privacy, even with an open door. ]

There are other methods for that, too, since we have places to store things.

[ Olivine may like having a gag, or at least something to bite down on.

Which is enough to make Basch flush. That he's thinking about it. That Olivine wants that again. That...this is his future, at least for the immediate month.

Because his next transformation still makes him uneasy, with all these people and walls and things to destroy. He'll just...need to make sure he's outside of town before it hits.]

[massochism]

[they will have to be a little discreet, probably, but here in the church... it's less of a worry, honestly. clearly, even Basch feels that now, as he leans in heavier against the priest and Olivine's cheeks flush softly all over again.

that may be as much to do with the comment, granted, but even so.]

Yes... that's true. I'm sure we can figure it all out together. For now—

[for now, Olivine turns and rises up a little to press their lips together, soft and sweet and brief.]

Are you hungry, or anything? There's also the wash area, if you'd like to bathe...

[it's really moments like these where his inexperience with... well, wanting anything for himself, let alone being allowed to, shows so clearly. helping others is all he's done for so long that it's hard to figure out what to do when he just has free time with someone. slowly but surely, that.]

[bardische]

[ He makes a small sound as Olivine presses against him -- surprise, and contentment. It's not long enough for him to stroke the other's hair or pull him in by his waist, but it's enough to flush his cheeks. ]

We both ought to both eat and bathe [ Basch agrees. He knows they won't, if they hole up now, and it was a long journey.

Unfortunately, he also does not know how to express what he wants, especially when it's less base than simple coupling. ] I...am simply enjoying continuing to be in your company. [ Gods he feels like an awkward recruit again. ]

[massochism]

Then we'll start with a bath, if you're not too hungry.

[his words bring that bright smile right back to Olivine's face, hand finding his again. this is... surprisingly easy. he really should feel worse about this, he's sure.]

Would you mind helping me with my hair? It usually takes quite a while to wash by myself.

[there will no doubt be some awkward moments, but he's happy with this. one step at a time.]

[bardische]

[ That bright smile is enough to tug one out of Basch. Olivine is so...radiant. It summons warmth in his chest, brightened further by the hand in his.

He hadn't dared suggest a shared bath, and he's a little speechless when Olivine does, pressing his lips together and looking down...but still smiling, still holding that hand. ]

If you don't mind rough hands, I would be happy to.

[ It occurs to him that this would be much more difficult with his pads and claws, and he's grateful not to have them today. ]

[massochism]

I don't think they're that rough... and I like them regardless. [fingers squeeze fondly at his hand, and Olivine steps around to lead.] this way, then. It will take a little for the water to warm, so we can get the towels ready and my hair down.

[bardische]

[ He follows so readily. Would probably follow anywhere the other asked. Maybe that should frighten hi, but it doesn't. It makes him feel at peace, like he has a purpose again. ]

I don't remember the last time I took a warm bath.

[ Just thoughtful. He doesn't mind bathing in streams, honestly. But it's a luxury he's always cherished, and it will be all the sweeter for sharing with Olivine. ]

[massochism]

I'm pleased to offer it to you, then.

[he's similarly comfortable bathing wherever he can, but it's definitely a unique luxury. perhaps a little less in the land of the water sprites, but nonetheless.

the bath itself is fairly large, but hardly ostentatious—it looks more like it was built to handle people of just about any size than anything else. and it's only there that Olivine releases Basch's hand to start the water heating, collecting the soaps and towels they'll need.]

[bardische]

You have offered me so much I didn't think I would have again [ Basch murmurs, warm with affection and awe.

The bath is blessedly private, large for a single bath but not really built for two. That's alright. They'll fit pressed together, which is how they'd end up even in a larger tub, he thinks.

He lets Olivine take the lead; it's easier, in a space that is more the others, but his hands itch to help. they both struggle with idleness, it seems.

However, it does occur to him-- ]

Another first for you? [ Bathing intimately with someone? ]

[massochism]

Like this, definitely. [Olivine hums softly as he speaks, setting everything out and returning to Basch's side to lean against him.] Even when they were young enough to need the help, it was certainly different with my younger siblings...

[The act may be the same, but it's definitely a different feeling. And more reciprocal, probably.]

[bardische]

[ It catches him by surprise yet again, the way Olivine returns to his side, to his hold. It's an open affection that's so far out of his experience, and yet he tugs the other in openly, awed and unwilling to squander it. ]

There is overlap in those sorts of intimacy [ he says thoughtfully -- a kind of overlap he rarely experienced in either scenario. But does crack a smile. ] But yes, I think there will be key differences.

What can I do to help with your hair?