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[bardische]

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[bardische]

I guess it does

[ He agrees, shy awe in his voice. He...may never feel worthy of Olivine. He knows that. But it won't stop him from giving everything he can to the other until he decides he wants something other than Basch. Right now, he's not worried about that happening for a good long while, and so he doesn't worry about future sadness. Nor does he notice that he's pushed that timeframe so much farther out. ]

You can hold me to it. I...like clingy. [ Another thing that was dangerous to admit for so long. But Olivine's admissions have his eyes stinging, even if his mind is telling him that will change; he's Olivine's first, and that's clouding his judgement. But even if that's true, it doesn't diminish how much he wants to live up to the other's desires. ]

I intend to serve you as long as you want me, Olivine. I'll only leave for your safety. You have my word. You will not be able to ask too much of me.

[massochism]

Really...?

[he'd never considered that clinginess could be a desirable trait, but it's so easy to believe in Basch. there's so much he doesn't know anyway... and the continuation, the blond giving his word to stay no matter what... Olivine laughs, the sound quiet and elated.]

Maybe... maybe sometime you'll be able to see how well I can protect myself too, then. And then you can trust me to be with you more. [the way he says trust is definitely less severe than a true trust—just that Basch needn't worry about him so much. but he's not about to rush it.] I'll try to remember that, though.

[bardische]

[ It's a lot harder to be embarrassed by his tastes when they're so deeply fulfilled by the man in his arms, instead of some hypothetical ideal everyone else seems to think it's possible. That matters less now. Everything matters less than the way Olivine laughs.

But at Olivine's vision of the future, Basch holds him tighter, his voice strained. ] You aren't the one I don't trust. Olivine I...attacked a man I'd been close to for years. He nearly died. I can't...

[ He doesn't finish the sentence, but he presses his nose into Olivine's hair, tears threatening, and he feels guilty seeking this comfort when Olivine can hardly leave his arms. Hells, Basch is still inside him, admitting how unworthy he is. ]

[massochism]

I know.

[he'd guessed the reason for Basch's guilt, even if not the severity of it. a hand reaches up to touch the blond's cheek and through his hair.]

But I won't let you do something you regret, Basch—you can trust me on that. If you attacked me, I would find a way to subdue you before I came to serious harm.

[eyes closing, he continues his gentle motions.]

I want you to be able to believe that one day, so you don't have to carry this all alone. And I won't rush you... but I also won't let you forget that you still have worth. You're not just the sum of your mistakes.

[bardische]

[ The tears spill, albeit silently. He doesn't have the wherewithal to protest, or to elaborate. But he's growing soft, and it's harder to stay so connected to Olivine like this, and so he arches back, sliding from the other.

Only to wrap right back around Olivine, not pulling away from that touch to his face and hair. He doesn't deserve this, but knowing it's offered when Olivine has seen...damn near all of him...is something he didn't think was possible.

But he's so unused to anyone seeing his needs or emotions, and he feely paralyzed by the vulnerability of it, and the guilt of turning this beautiful evening into something sad. ]

[massochism]

[this, at least, Olivine understands. to be alone with your feelings, guilty for having them and vulnerable besides—Basch had only just shown him much the same, hadn't he? the soft hitch of breath he gives as the blond slides free of him is nothing, especially when he's wrapping right around him again.

warm, real. there's nothing sad about this, to the priest. as difficult as it may be, he's happy to work through that difficulty for someone who cares so much about him and who he cares about in turn.]

Mm, let me turn...

[gently, he wiggles enough to get the space to turn himself around, wanting to pull Basch closer to his front. until he can let Basch bury his face in his shoulder while they remain twined together. in this moment, he can say for certain that if he is too naive, if something were to happen... he would still be glad for this. to be helped and to help, to care so deeply.]

[bardische]

[ For all his experience, Basch has had so few people care deeply about him who had the opportunity to show him, or who didn't die. Which always felt like his fault.

Olivine gives an order, albeit a gentle one, and his mind obediently follows, loosening his grip enough for the other to shift. He isn't expecting how much Olivine repositions himself, though, and almost resists being cradled against the smaller man's shoulder.

But it's too warm, and too soft, and too weirdly right. They fit together so well, and it feels like it's the safety of this that is allowing old wounds to finally air, ghosts rattling his body as they leave. ]

Not...tonight [ He murmurs as his breathing settles a little, tears dampening his hair and Olivine's alike. ] But I will answer any questions you ask me.

[massochism]

[He's beautiful like this, too. Olivine's heart breaks for how much he must be carrying, how long he must have carried it alone... but there's so much trust in this moment, even he can tell.

They really do feel so perfect together. Like this and every other way they've spent time together... he smiles softly as Basch speaks, voice tender in his emotion.]

I'll do the same. [this time it's his turn to nuzzle into Basch's face, pressing his lips there as fingers continue soothing through his hair.] But I don't have many questions. I'm curious about you, of course... I don't want you to feel obligated to tell me though.

[bardische]

[ It's one thing to soothe, and another thing entirely to be soothed. He's nearly startled by Olivine nuzzling into him, but he submits to it, something between a hum and a whimper as their lips meet. But his body is calming down, and the hand in his hair is wonderful. ]

Nothing about you is an obligation.

[massochism]

I feel the same about you.

[The words are quiet and sure, glad to feel how Basch is calming down. He's not really used to being able to offer so much, so it's almost overwhelming in the best way.

It reminds him, briefly, of their first meeting. Of the look in Basch's eyes as he was in the midst of changing back. He really was so lucky that he'd even gotten the chance...

... although now that they're relaxing and his mind is starting to process properly again, he does have to ask—]

... what do we do about the mess?

[bardische]

[ It's occurred to him, too, that if they'd met any other way, this probably wouldn't have happened. And that feels too big to really understand.

Olivine's question, thankfully, pulls a warm, watery laugh from him. ]

I'll get up and get a towel, and we can sleep in the other bed. We'll clean up the worst of it, and the rest will mostly dry clear.

[ But...he doesn't make much effort to move yet. ]

[massochism]

Alright... I wasn't sure if it would still be too obvious.

[that's really the most plain reminder of how little experience Olivine has, of course. even so, he's of a similar mind to Basch—moving before they must is a difficult idea to swallow, so he doesn't even try.]

Do you want to stay here a little longer, or leave tomorrow? It will take a few days to reach the city, but once we're there I can prepare a room in the church for you. I stay there too, so it can be more of just a formality, but I like the idea of having a place you can come back to, even if I'm not there right away.

[bardische]

If someone is clearly looking, we may be out of luck. [ He doesn't want to stress Olivine, but he isn't going to lie either. ] But it won't draw attention. If that's something you're concerned about, we can do it differently next time.

[ Next time. It makes his heart skip, and he holds Olivine a little tighter, even before the question comes. ]

I don't think there's anything to keep us here. And you've been gone a long while. I...think that would be good, yes.

[ About the rooms. He's having trouble even saying it. Because he hasn't had a place to stay in months, thought he never would again, and the idea that it's both to give him his autonomy and to cover for inviting him into Olivine's space...

It's just too many kindnesses to hold at once. ]

[massochism]

Mm, I don't mind that much. [a little laugh.] I just don't really know what to expect, so I think I'm just nervous.

[the prospect of next time really does leave him feeling warm and happy.]

I keep forgetting how long it's been, honestly. But I'm looking forward to it... it shouldn't be too much of a problem once we're there though. I do my own laundry.

[which... also implies how much he enjoyed just not worrying about it, in the moment. in any case, he's content to just stay like this, letting everything settle in. suddenly, tomorrow and going home don't seem so bad.]

[bardische]

[ Basch pushes himself up just enough that he can cup Olivine's face and press their foreheads together. ]

I know it's easier said than done, but you needn't be nervous with me. I will gladly answer your questions, and I won't think less of you for any misconceptions or desires.

[ He pecks the other on the lips, nodding to the additional information, even if it makes his heart skip with how...domestic it is.

That and the prospect of having to...be around people. Whose opinion of him will matter. ] I'll help too. For now--

[ He does push himself up the rest of the way, reluctantly, and gives Olivine another kiss before rising to go find a towel. ] It's easier to clean before it dries, and then I'd like to be able to drift off to sleep with you back in my arms.

[ Which...still makes him red, to say things like that. But he can tell how much it benefits Olivine to hear it, and so he makes the effort. ]

[massochism]

[their foreheads meet, and Olivine hums softly, fingers still moving absently in their soothing shifts.]

I'll try to remember.

[Basch will eventually learn just how deep those roots are, and how gnarled and thorny the stems. for now though, he has no mind for anyone or anything else, leaning into the little kiss and smiling warmly at the promise of help. he doesn't need it, of course, but he appreciates it nonetheless.]

That makes sense... and it sounds ideal to be there with you.

[letting the other go, he shifts to test his own body. definitely not as wobbly as the last time—who knows if that's more to do with the bed, the position, or the form Basch is in. whatever the case, he's a little glad to not need too much assistance in climbing to his feet.

from there, he can take a look at himself, cheeks reddening a little at the sight of all the marks on his pale skin. they look as good as they feel, honestly.]

[bardische]

[ Basch glances at Olivine as he stands, ready to rush back to help. But the other seems alright, so he finishes grabbing a towel before returning.

He follows Olivine's gaze, and his own cheeks redden slightly. He reallymarked the other. He steps close, shy, fingers brushing over one of the marks. ]

They'll fade in a day or two. I made sure not to leave any where they'd show outside your clothing.

[ What he's dancing around is...is this still alright? ]

[massochism]

[fingers brush over his marked skin and Olivine immediately leans into the warmth of them. His words bring that gaze back up to his, and even without knowing what Basch is actually asking...]

If they were too visible, I could just heal them. I like the way they look, though. It makes me feel important.

[... it's easy to soothe his worries, because he really does feel that way. Contenting himself with just one more peck on the blond's lips is harder, especially as his hands slide up to curl around his shoulders and want to continue up to clinging.

They can do that after they're done cleaning.]

[bardische]

[ That's right. He keeps forgetting Olivine can heal himself too. The last part, though, makes his breath catch a little, eyes getting glossy for a moment. ]

I like the way they look too [ he murmurs. That Olivine wants them there means a lot. He hums in surprise as the other leans up to kiss him, sliding back into the crook of his body. It's so tempting to just stay like this.

He forces his hands to move the towel to Olivine's torso, cleaning his skin as an excuse to stay close. ]

Go lay in the bed when I'm done, and I'll join you in a minute.

[ He takes his time though, checking Olivine's torso and running the towel over his back, between his legs, and delicately rubbing it over his cock. ]

[massochism]

[It occurs to him, as Basch settles in to clean him up, that he... doesn't even feel the usual need to repent and confess, here. A strange thing, but Olivine can hardly make himself mind.]

Okay. Are you sure I can't help with anything?

[It's going to take a long time to kill that habit, if he ever does. But he's happy to follow Basch here, squirming only a little when the towel runs over a particularly sensitive spot.

Finally though, he pulls away, fingers lingering as long as possible before turning toward the bed. At least he can get it prepared for them and settle in.]

[bardische]

[ He catches Olivine's face again, smiling gently even as he makes a note that the other is happier with a task. He can understand that. ]

You're warming up the bed.

[ He doesn't miss Olivine's fingers lingering, and it keeps that sense of awed disbelief alive and well even as his quickly cleans off his own cock and legs before turning to blot out any mess on the bed. All told, it isn't bad, and he wastes no time draping the towel so it can dry before he turns back.

To see Olivine, naked and waiting for him, and that's an image he's not ever going to get used to, he thinks. Even if it makes his heart race and his gaze soft as he closes the space to climb in beside the other man once more. ]

[massochism]

[at least he laughs at that, nodding. it may not seem like much—honestly, it isn't much, but it's something to secure him to this... reality, honestly.]

Okay, then.

[he's certainly warm enough to do so, a fact that amuses him in the moment. to that end, he settles the blankets down around his knees or so, resting his head on his hands as much as the pillows and not quite watching Basch finish up cleaning and setting the towel out to dry.

now that they're (relatively) clean and settled, the effort of the day is finally setting in—the blond climbs in beside him and Olivine practically sticks to him immediately, arms sliding around his torso and cheek nuzzling into his chest.]

[bardische]

[ It really is the right task to give Olivine he thinks as he slides in next to him. It isn't cold now, but on a night it was...

He doesn't even try to hide his contented sigh as Olivine immediately snuggles back into him, not remotely shy about wrapping around him and nuzzling into his chest. Basch shifts a little, settling in comfortably before his hand goes to stroke the back of Olivine's head and top of his shoulders, other arm so naturally finding a place to rest with his hand curled on Olivine's side. ]

It's...not usually this easy. New people fitting together.

[ He'd experienced intense attraction, but that burned hot and fast, usually overpowering concerns he knew would find him later. This wasn't that. It was...warmer, quieter. ]

[massochism]

[Basch is so... comforting and gentle with him, like this. the shift he makes in conjunction with Olivine's desires is fascinating to the priest, really, and he smiles softly at those words.]

That's true. We did have a fair amount of time spent together... but even so. I've heard from many people who struggle even in their long relationships, when they come to confession to receive help in how to move forward with their loved ones.

[part of him wonders if he'll also be like that one day, but the reality would be the same for him anyway. communication is what smooths over those discomforts, almost invariably.]

So, with that in mind... if anything you do is ever bothering me, I'll do my best to speak with you about it.

[bardische]

[ Right. Olivine has a lot more experience with people than Basch does, even if it's listening more than engagement.

He listens thoughtfully, and then sheepishly, because he doesn't feel communication is a strength of his. But -- he can be honest, at least, especially if Olivine keeps meeting it like this. And he knows he can hear criticism and reroute. It's...ever bringing up that he's unhappy that is hard. ]

I will do my best to do the same.

[ He's experienced enough to know the way that tension can grow as a relationship gets longer. It's something that terrifies him, but...it's a quieter fear right now, with how well they've navigated so far. ]

I deeply appreciate your openness.