Open Post

[bardische]

Comments

[massochism]

Mm. [It's confirmation without words, as he focuses his attention on the hand in his, the warmth of Basch next to him. Otherwise he's sure he'll slip into his thoughts, into the memories of his own past.]

I can't help but just... selfishly want what I want, after all. It's why I gave myself the piercings, and why I've... tried things on my own. It's not a desire a priest is supposed to have, especially some of the things I enjoyed.

[He smiles a little more warmly then, finally looking up at the blond. The slightest shimmer of tears is there in his eyes.]

I didn't... think anyone could actually see me as a person, for a long time. I didn't know how people acted, the ways they lift each other and help each other. I'd never spoken to people until I came of age, not unless they were teachers or classmates. Mm, or my siblings, but I wasn't home very often when they were just born either.

[bardische]

What men do in private is only the business of them and those they trust with it [ Basch murmurs into Olivine's hair. ] Your piercings are beautiful, and they hurt no one. Most other tastes are the same. I...have bedded other men who needed release but were too under scrutiny to find it themselves. It isn't all that uncommon, and taking care of their needs helps them do their work better.

[ He wasn't sure how Olivine would feel about that, or about how little Basch wasn't willing to do for those he served, but it was the truth, and the other deserved that.

The glisten of tears, though, break his heart again, and if he were willing to move either of his hands, he'd cup the other's face. It's not the first time he's heard a story like this, but somehow this time it guts him more. At least the princes and general's children had others who understood. ]

I'm sorry you've been so alone. I will be here, so long as you want me to be. [ It feels important to offer again. He can tell this was a lot for Olivine to share, even if it changes nothing for Basch. If anything, it makes him feel more protective.

He may be a monster, and socially mediocre at best, but he can protect, and he can mentor, and he can love, and if that's what Olivine needs, then maybe this was a kind twist of fate to put them together. ]

[massochism]

[that statement, murmured so simply, is almost enough to rattle him. after all, his piercings... well, they're their own source of contention. that he doesn't want to talk about, doesn't want to worry Basch over. (never mind that it will probably be anger, not concern, that fills the moments after.)]

I'm glad you think so. [he offers that much, thumb brushing the back of Basch's hand.] And it's a relief, I think. That you were able to help them... and selfishly, that I'll benefit from that.

[it shouldn't have a negative connotation, but selfishness is not something he's been allowed to have. it's thrilling and frightening to speak it, to feel it, to know he won't be pushed away for it.

less selfishly, he slowly comes to terms with the passage of time, remembers what they were doing.]

It's alright. I'm not alone now... that's what matters to me. It makes the loneliness I felt feel much less important. [that also feels important to say, and he squeezes Basch's hand again before finally releasing it, reluctantly.] Are you still able to eat while I lean on you? I can move if you need.

[bardische]

[ The anger at any of this hasn't come yet. He's too preoccupied with soothing. But it will come, especially as he pieces more together, and especially when his transformations make him less even-tempered.

Right now, he's just relieved to feel some shift in Olivine, calmness returning -- and not a distanced one, he thinks. ]

Good. I want it to benefit you.

[ For a man who puts his own wants and needs last, he does not quite catch the emphasis on Olivine's selfishness, because he sees it as nothing of the sort. And he doesn't think companionship negates years without. But there's no sense arguing it. His answer, though, comes easy and quick. ]

Stay. You are not the only one who has been lonely.

[ Which feels...perhaps too forward, perhaps too much focus on himself, but he thinks the excuse may be easier for Olivine than telling the man to stay if he wishes. And it's true. This firm, gentle contact is...wondrous. Even before his curse, there was so little of this kind of closeness in his life. He bedded others, yes, but that was where it ended.

But he does lift his bowl again, not intending to waste Olivine's efforts. ]

[massochism]

Oh— [it's a tiny little thing, dispelling so much of the remaining sadness he'd had.] I'm a little glad... ah. That you missed me, not—that you were lonely.

[that feels so awkward, but it's true. he... wants to feel missed, after all, for himself. hands shift to curl around Basch's side, holding gently to keep that same closeness. this way he can give enough space for the other to finish eating without feeling the least bit of distance beyond necessary. honestly, he feels less vulnerable than he thought, probably because of how firmly Basch has stated his thoughts on the circumstances.]

Mm, right. When we're done here, do you have any idea where you might like to go? I should return home to report soon, but we can get a room here at the inn for tonight, and there's still some time before it's really needed.

[bardische]

I missed you [ he confirms, heart skipping slightly. He’s not used to being able to say things like that so directly, and certainly not this early with someone, but Olivine needs to hear it.

The latter he considers. He does not care, not really, though some part of him is loathe to place Olivine in a town again. But it’s inevitable. Instead he can focus on shielding the other more effectively. And, cheeks slightly warm— ]

I’d like that. It will be easier to hold you in a bed. Perhaps if there are places between here and your home that you enjoy, you can show me.

[massochism]

[Their cheeks certainly match, that gentle shyness taking over for the moment. He... missed him. It's such a relief to hear. And that he wants to hold him again, truly.]

There are a few places I'd love to show you, yes. Just little places I like to spend time when I have it, really.

... if I can manage to be quiet enough... [His head ducks a little as he speaks, unsure if he should ask. Basch has already admitted how much he'll give, but Olivine knows he's... more voracious than most. What if it becomes too much?] I'd like to do a little more than just hold each other. However much you're willing to share with me, tonight.

[bardische]

[ His smile is softer and warmer, between Olivine's pleased shyness, and the offer of sharing something so private. It only widens when Olivine asks for more intimacy, too. Basch would have had a hard time initiating, in all honesty. He does not want to overwhelm. ]

I would like that. All of it. And I can help muffle any sound, if it concerns you.

[ Olivine was not particularly noisy, but he understands the fear. Being comfortable is always the most important.

Even so, he feels shy talking about this, like it's different somehow outside the heat of the moment. ]

You can always put your mouth against me. It does a surprising amount to decrease the carry.

[massochism]

Mm. I would like that too. It's—it was hard to think about keeping quiet when you were touching me before.

[of course, that had had the added bonus of being out here where he didn't have to be—but he still remembers the clarity of his voice echoing off the walls.

His blush deepens as he thinks about it again, and as Basch speaks. Did his mind wander to somewhere completely different at that suggestion? Yes, for a moment at least.]

That's true... I wish I didn't have to be quiet, though.

[bardische]

[ That makes Basch's pulse quicken, an odd heat flaring in his stomach. He breathes sharply against Olivine's hair, pressing his lips against it. ]

I like hearing you. We don't have to stay in an inn, but I don't think the sound you made last time is enough to be heard.

[ Except...now his mind is wandering to how loud Olivine could be, and he can't think about it too hard because he doesn't want to be aroused right now. ]

[massochism]

We don't, but I want to spend the night with you somewhere comfortable. [His smile is plain in his tone, even with Basch's lips against his hair.] I like hearing you, too. As long as you'll help me stay quiet enough, that's fine.

[they're both doing their best not to get too distracted, at least. That's better left for when they have space and time to rest after everything. Right now, there's still a cookpot to clean and for to finish... too bad, really.]

[bardische]

We'll make it work then [ he promises. ] I honestly don't think I can be disappointed with any of this. I didn't...really let myself consider being with you was an option, even as a guard or companion. I'm glad to be wrong.

[ But he does lift his bowl again, because they have work to do and some distance to walk, and he'd rather be in town before nightfall. ]

[massochism]

I'm glad you don't feel that way anymore, too. It's... I felt similarly, that you wouldn't want someone like me, so I couldn't be happier now.

[Olivine quiets then, just staying nestled against Basch's side while he finishes eating. they have time, and the whole night ahead of them besides. it isn't until he's just about finished eating that the priest finally pulls away, leaning up to press his lips to the blond's cheek before he goes to pick up the cookpot and his bowl. he can wash them on the way back to the village quite quickly, at least.]

[bardische]

[ He wants to argue, but there's not point; they've both arrived where they needed to be. And isolation distorts a man's opinion of himself; that isn't Olivine's fault.

Especially not with how willing he is to nestle into Basch, even after sharing so much private worry. Basch's only regret is that he can't keep holding him, but there will be time for it soon.

As Olivine starts to get up, Basch stands too. ] What can I pack or carry?

[massochism]

[Olivine is somewhat aware that his mental image of himself is flawed. The villagers are always kind and complimentary, even if they can be overwhelming—but of course, what he keeps to himself is what he thinks he really is, so he certainly fell into the thought that it was unworthy.

When Basch speaks, he almost automatically dismisses the offer before registering why the blond is asking. The fact that he can carry everything just fine is irrelevant, in this case.]

Ah—could you take the bags of fruits and vegetables? It'll make it easier for me to get these dishes washed and packed.

[those bags are plainly pretty full—though he'd managed to ward off some of the generosity, they still had a lot to share. That makes them rather heavy, too, but he doesn't think about that at all.]

[bardische]

[ He grunts more than responds, easily flipping the full bags over his shoulder. Even without the extra strength of the transformation, he's a seasoned soldier. In another life, he would have been a farmer or a woodcutter. He's built for physical tasks, and he finds them soothing. ]

Ready? You lead -- you know the area better.

[massochism]

I'm ready. We'll just stop at the river on the way so I can wash these up.

[there's a warmth to watching Basch lift the bags. he's not surprised it seems easy for him, since it's similarly easy for Olivine, but seeing that he also seems to enjoy the effort is comforting. it feels like a rarity. he doesn't linger too long though, leading the way out of the cave once the fire is properly out. he's quick with the washing too, tucking the cleaned items away in his pack.

the sun is just setting by the time they get back to the village, and the priest stays close to the blond as they approach.]

I already spoke to them about returning with you sometime soon, so they should at least be a little less surprised to see us. We'll just have to speak with the innkeep and we'll be set for now.

[honestly, he seems more apologetic to Basch for their previous interaction than he is worried about himself. he just... doesn't want him to worry over anything, especially when they've just reunited.]

[bardische]

[ He would feel terrible if he knew Olivine was worrying after his comfort, even if he's doing the exact same thing toward Olivine. Instead he finds himself shy and a little flustered that the other not only waited for him, but asserted to strangers that Basch would be coming back with him.

All he does is nod, cheeks slightly pink. ]

Right. Thank you.

[ Luckily for the both of them, he tends to remain calm unless something is happening, and this far they are moving unacosted toward the town's inn. ]

[massochism]

[there's a familiar little giggle at that comment, the pink of his cheeks. he can't help it, and kind of wishes they each had a free hand so he could discreetly squeeze one of Basch's.]

You're welcome.

[he does manage a small bump of his shoulder against the other's arm, leading the way to the inn. a few people do look over, but it seems that after their initial frenzy, they've settled into their daily routines. maybe it's something about the look on Olivine's face, a warmth that's different from what they usually see, that keeps them at bay and leaves Basch alone with the priest.

whatever it is, he doesn't pay it any mind. he's just mentioning something about the inn having breakfast if they'd like that, swinging the door open to admit them both. the receptionist glances up, offers them both a warm smile, and exchanges a key after a short conversation. it's not until they're heading to the room that he thinks to mention:]

Ah, right. The room has two beds, so if you'd like to use them, we can... but that was mostly for appearances. [because they must, alas.]

[bardische]

[ His blush deepens as Olivine laughs and bumps against him. He doesn't dislike it, not at all. He's just not used to it, and certainly not where people can see. It makes him panic for a moment, like he's done something wrong.

But Olivine is quite frankly beaming. There's no need for secrecy here, no request for it, and that's enough to settle his shoulders and pull a smile back. It's not familiar to him, but he isn't endangering the other, and that's what matters to him.

They make it to the inn without incident, and the innkeeper is appropriately friendly. Basch has no qualms letting Olivine handle the logistics; sometimes people are suspicious of Basch as a clear outsider. So he waits patiently then follows. ]

We'll turn whichever we don't use down before we leave.

[ This he's done before. And if Olivine is going to let him, then he's going to hold him all night. ]

[massochism]

[It's kind of disgustingly easy, really. The reality of how they all think of Olivine is so specific that the idea of him being intimate is a practical impossibility, and that will become clear in the morning. At least it's convenient, rather than heavy. Similarly, the innkeeper doesn't seem at all bothered by Basch; he's offered a similar smile even.

He relaxes properly when Basch confirms they can just turn down the sheets, realising only then that he was even a little concerned still. His smile feels shy and large as he turns the key, door creaking open to a cosy, lightly furnished room.]

Right. It'll be perfect.

[The beds aren't terribly large, but they're big enough for two, covered in comfortable blankets and sheets. This place may not be the most fancy, but it seems they strive for comfort at least.

Anyway, once the door is closed and locked, Olivine leads the way over to the table to put everything down, excitement starting to swell in his chest. It's... real, now. Basch really came back and he still feels the same. He still wants to hold him. The priest could cry at literally any of these bits of information.]

[bardische]

[ Basch has not put that part of Olivine's reputation together, but it certainly will make this easier than other situations he's been in. And if anyone asks, he's long accustomed to being a Guard and the proximity that comes with it. Right now, he's just happy to be here, with Olivine.

His stomach does flip slightly as they enter the room, the reality of it setting in a little more. He's...not only not alone, but this sweet, capable man wants to be with him. Curse and all. Whatever doubt he feels at how long that can last is calmed by how bashfully eager Olivine looks. Even if it does fail, it's no reason not to enjoy it as long as possible. He owes them both that.

But -- this is the part he isn't good at. He follows Olivine, setting down the heavy bags and surveying the room, even as all he wants to do is wrap around the other. He just...never knows how to start. ]

I can't remember the last time I slept in a bed.

[massochism]

[that revelation makes him ache, even though he'd guessed it. Basch struck him as the type to kind of punish himself for every bit of his missteps, perceived or not, by simply avoiding what he wants.

so he makes it easier, at least, by reaching for the blond first. hands curl around the other's rougher ones and he tugs gently, smile warm on his lips.]

Then let's at least sit. We can relax a bit, until you want anything else...

[his tone makes it quite clear that he's ready at any time, if his previous actions and words didn't. Olivine is trying to behave... he's just not that good at it when he's safe and alone with Basch.]

[bardische]

[ Basch wouldn't agree with that assessment, but it didn't mean it wasn't true. Avoiding his wants was so inherent to who he was he didn't even notice it anymore.

So when Olivine's hands slide into his, his eyes widen and his lips part, not because he's startled, but because it is what he wants, and he isn't used to that manifesting.

It takes nearly nothing to pull him along, and with the whisper that this is for Olivine, not himself, he's able to keep from freezing up. It's good to hear again how eager Olivine is, before his mind can convince himself that somehow he's taking advantage of this inexperienced younger man.

He settles down beside Olivine on the edge of the bed, heart beating with nervousness. How had this been so easy last time?

He leans forward, as much to hide his face as to press a gentle kiss to Olivine's cheek, hovering there for a moment. ]

I want to take care of you, in any way you'd like.

[massochism]

Any way I'd like...

[that makes his cheeks heat all the more, mostly because he has so many thoughts and he wants to try all of them. But he should be conservative, at least while they're here. Maybe in his little room, separate from everything...

His head, tilted from the kiss to his cheek, turns a little more so he can watch Basch's reactions, reaching to brush his hair back.]

... I'm not sure where to begin, honestly. There are so many options. I definitely want to kiss you again... [chewing his lower lip, he shifts a little.] and would you—just touch me, to start? We can just go with what feels right from there.

[He'd liked the pads of Basch's fingers on his chest (and all over), but he really wants to feel them this way, too.]