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[bardische]

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[massochism]

Ah—from... books, mostly. [He looks quite sheepish, saying it.] with stew, I also learned how to make it for large groups back at the church.

I like to help out when we do large food drives for the community, giving back some of the kindness we've been shown.

[There's such earnest warmth then, speaking of the work. Olivine may struggle with the insistent generosity, but he clearly loves what he does. It's a complicated thing, overall. Plus... well, there's a lot to be said.]

... I remember I felt so warm the first time someone ate my cooking and enjoyed it. It was nothing extravagant, just something like this, but they were so appreciative... [brows furrow briefly as he stirs the pot, then rises to rejoin Basch for the moment.] There are still a lot of cooking styles I'd love to try, though. I've read about so many cultures, and I want to understand them all.

[bardische]

Helping people and making them feel safe is extremely rewarding [ Basch agrees quietly. Before he'd been promoted and his work kept him within the confines of the higher ranking, he'd enjoyed being on relief teams. ]

My country was invaded when I was young. I remember what a difference the people who provided aid made. And food is a wonderful way to share culture.

[ It's one of the few ways he's kept his home with him. ]

If you'd like to travel, you should. [ And Basch would follow him, if he wanted it. He was serious about being a Guard, and not leaving unless Olivine changed his mind. But again, it feels forward to say it. Here is one thing. Anywhere is another. ]

[massochism]

It is. [for a moment, he's quiet, taking in that information. invasions are rare here, and more often they'd occur on the other borders than out here near the waters. regardless, the idea of Basch going through that...] I'm sorry. That sounds terrible... though I'm glad there were people who provided aid in that circumstance, too.

[he can't keep himself away while they talk, drawing back over to take the blond's hands and settle in his lap. there's no rush now, at least.]

It... isn't quite so simple as that, truthfully. My duties as a priest are important, and I will need to return home eventually. [getting work like this that took him outside of the city... well, it's neither too unusual nor too common really.] Ah, but I'd like to try some of your food from your home sometime, as well. Perhaps when I return home, we can find whatever you might need at the markets.

[it's probably no surprise that he expects Basch to stay with him now. they'd promised, and as frightened as the priest is about failing that promise somehow, he's taking it on its face. the idea that the other is basically agreeing to go anywhere with him is warm and comforting too, but he's almost afraid to mention it.]

[bardische]

It was a long time ago. [ Not dismissive, just a fact. ] I tried to be that for others when I was able. [ Past tense. It's felt like a thing he couldn't be anymore, with the curse but...maybe with Olivine, he can. Or at least help the work Olivine does here. He's changed homes once. Doing it again isn't so terrible. It's much better than roaming alone until he dies, which he'd made peace with.

But then Olivine is settling into his lap, and all his thoughts are gone for a moment. It's instinctual to settle around the other, some part of him calming, like things are back where they should be. He shouldn't be this attached, but his nerves are far off, and echo he doesn't want to listen to. ]

Travel usually means returning home [ he points out. But it does occur to him the city will be more challenging with his affliction. Still. If Olivine is willing, Basch will leave and return, every month.

It seems absurd, to think he'll have more than a few cycles of this. And he knows it will be that much worse if he loses it. But -- he has never been strong enough to turn away. ]

I will gladly show you. Certainly from Rabanastre, and Landis if we can find the ingredients. The climate here is more similar. I haven't had a chance to make any of my mother's dishes in a long time.

[massochism]

Even so. [quiet, understanding. even if it's an old fact, that doesn't necessarily mean the pain isn't worth feeling compassion over. especially when Basch says that, follows it up with the idea that he was able, but he isn't now. that... he'll just have to depose that idea slowly, he supposes.

if he can feel comfortable enough to almost be willing to be himself, he just hopes it's similar for the blond.]

Well, yes, but that isn't really what I meant—normally, my duties as a priest keep me at the church, or at least in the city. [he huffs a laugh at that, head shaking lightly. by now, he knows that the other doesn't mean anything by it really.

as to dealing with this, yes, he's more than happy to work with him no matter the effort. honestly it doesn't seem like that much of an effort to him anyway.]

Rabanastre and Landis... [thoughtful, he nods, smiling up at Basch as he does.] I'm excited to try them. I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience.

[bardische]

[ This is a conversation he has had before, though not for some time. What is there to say? That the wounds healed best they could, that Landis was reabsorbed by a grasping military power, so even if he goes back, it will not be the same? That he found real solace in protecting his adoptive country from the same fate?

It doesn't matter because he can't go any of those places with what he is -- an immigrant, a high-ranking former member of a foreign military, a confidant of a ruler and the brother to a competing land's chief adviser, and now a werewolf. ]

Even so. [ He agrees, brushing Olivine's hair aside. The kindness, at least, he appreciates, even if he isn't sure what to do with it.

To Olivine's answer, his brow furrows slightly, even if he's rooted by Olivine's weight against his. ] Are you not allowed to leave? If it's a safety concern for your rank, I can see to that. [ He suspects it's more political than that. Ranked royalty were the same, powerful but often tethered to limited locales.

Though it does occur to him, that means they met when they were both far afield. A chance, and a rare one for both of them. That feels...important.

Olivine's smile pulls one from him, heavier thoughts subsiding so easily. ] I will make them for you, then.

[massochism]

[oh. his hair shifts and Olivine finds his cheeks warmer for it. at this point, he isn't even sure why, just that he is.]

No, it's not that, exactly. It's more... there are so many things to do that I find I often just don't have time. Though I suppose, if you don't mind helping me from time to time, we could probably make more time.

[funny enough, it's not really political at all. just... he helps a lot of people. that will be more clear when they're in the city, probably.

his thoughts are just on the context of food now though, nodding lightly.]

I'll hold you to that. And... perhaps I can make some of the delicacies I've learned about for you in turn. We don't really have any family recipes, as most of my knowledge is quite similar to the church's own. Mm, speaking of—the stew should be ready anytime. If it cooks too long, the vegetables will get very soft, but otherwise there's no real rush.

[bardische]

[ Basch's gaze softens, protectiveness giving way to empathy. He understands not stepping away because there's always more work to do. Was often the recipient of well-meaning chiding to take a break, or better yet, a vacation. ]

However much you'd like me to help, I will. I miss being able to serve a community. [ It was more than that, though. If it mattered to Olivine, he wanted to help, and if it was the only way Olivine would rest, well, he saw that as part of his duty to protect. ]

I'd like that [ he agrees to the offer of cooking, even if he thinks delicacies are likely wasted on him. He understands it's the gesture, and having an audience. ] We can talk while we eat. [ Something to occupy both of their hands, though after, he can now admit he'd like to lay against Olivine and hold him again, maybe this time let sleep claim them both. ]

[massochism]

I'm quite sure they'll like you, when we get there. And if I can give you that much... then that would make me happy, too.

[he won't know if the delicacies are wasted on him til he has them, of course!! Olivine is determined to do as much for Basch as the man is doing for him, in the end. he's... also probably going to make the man force him to take breaks sooner than later. oops.]

Of course. [pushing himself up to his feet, he pauses to press a kiss to the taller man's cheek before scurrying off to serve them both a bowl. alas, he has to sit next to Basch instead of in his lap now, but at least he can still lean on him. it's good enough until they're done eating.]

[bardische]

[ That others outside of Olivine would like him...had not occurred to him, nor was he sure he believed it, but if it mattered to Olivine, he would do his best.

he's reluctant to let the man go, but again his lingering touch tells Basch it's mutual.

He's more surprised at how quickly Olivine is back at his side, keeping all contact that remains practical. It makes his chest catch again. A cruel voice whispers it is because he was the young man's first, nothing more, but for once he hardly believes that. This is...deeper than a sexual encounter. That he's sure of. ]

Tell me about this dish [ he says as they begin eating. It's good. hardy, good texture. And he was right. His stomach is glad for the plant-based food as it settles back into being human. ]

[massochism]

This one? Well, it's nothing special really.

[Olivine chuckles between bites, still half-watching Basch as he does the same. there's an endless fondness, something he's sure he won't ever get over really.]

It's sort of a survival recipe we were taught in the academy. Keeping things like salt and spices is easy, but this uses a variety of local vegetables to fill it out, so you can forage enough for a meal almost anywhere. You do still have to be careful in certain territories to ensure there isn't too much essence in them, though—ah. I guess I should really explain how essence works so that makes sense... but if a food is contaminated, it can have a number of effects, from physical and mental changes to sickness.

[bardische]

[ it’s easier to process the affection like this: he’s whole. Useful. Human. He’s still not sure how he managed to catch Olivine’s attention so thoroughly, but it makes more sense than when he’s a monster. ]

Mmm so it’s just the ingredients that are unfamiliar. We have a similar field soup. Or maybe I’m just used to training recruits who cook it to mush. [ It’s said fondly though, like he enjoys training the younger soldiers.

His expression changes as the topic turns to essence, though. ]

I suppose I’m lucky then, to not have run afoul of it here. It’s not something I’m familiar with, and we don’t station anyone in this territory.

[massochism]

[that comment earns a laugh.]

I used to struggle with finding the right timing, too. Especially with how many different vegetables there are. I'd put the carrots in too early, or the potatoes too late, and it was definitely not the best. [but he'd learned from it. Enough to manage this now, at least.]

It's rare to run into anything with tainted or abundant essence in the water territory, thankfully. It's most commonly a problem in the wood territory, which is located in the southwest of the country. [a pause, his brows furrowing. It's not unlikely that Basch has spent all of his time in the water territory anyway, since it's fairly large, but still.] or the Dead Zone to the west of here, but little worth eating actually grows there anyway. That's where most of the more aggressive monsters come from, driven out in search of food and warped by the unstable essence of that place.

[bardische]

[ That laugh makes him feel warm and buoyant, and he can't help smiling back, knowing the exact mistakes he's talking about. ]

Those who don't start that way are rare, I think. It was easy to tell who'd been taught to cook -- I never trained any of those. [ He was so patient; they always gave him the students other instructors would grow weary of. ]

I've heard of the Dead Zone. There were some scholars looking into the links between your essence and our Mist, but it was a good deal too theoretical for my skills. I did not know that about the wood territory. Is it something that can be treated, if someone or something is overexposed?

[massochism]

Is that so? I had wondered if it was just me. [a strange thing to wonder, under normal circumstances.] Did you enjoy teaching them?

[Oh, but that makes him perk up a little. There's very little in their writings about other countries, mostly because they already had their hands full trying to keep the land from dying...]

Really? I've heard of Mist in passing before, but only that it exists... most of our scholars ultimately focused on home, especially when the Dead Zone started to grow.

But—the short answer is yes. Essence itself is actually just a part of things naive to Klein—for humans and yokai, it's something that can be measured in the blood. It exists in a balance that allows for us to live, and can serve as an early warning of sickness. Similarly, I can sense it in you too—probably because you've been living here for a time.

There are plants with particularly neutral essence that we make into tea for mild imbalances. I drink it from time to time because I have a naturally high level of essence in my body, so it helps to calm me.

When it's worse... there are a number of ways to rebalance it, from medical procedures to shared body contact, depending on how mild the symptoms are.

[bardische]

[ It's his turn to smile, shaking his head. ] The learning process is the same for most, though some will just learn to like it to avoid correcting. I suppose I did enjoy teaching them. I like seeing others set up for success, and I liked seeing where they landed years later.

[ He liked...the almost family of it, though it was also nothing like family. A class moved on, and many he barely saw again.

He continues to eat as he listens, noting the vegetables are extremely well-cooked. Olivine had focused on perfecting this, and Basch finds that charming and admirable. ]

Mmm, the borders are more open now than they used to be, and understanding of magical properties is close enough to state intelligence to limit study from outsiders.

It does sound like essence and Mist have overlap. Mist is in everything living. Humans aren't sensitive to normal amounts, though Viera are, and Mist in concentrated forms is how our mages perform spells. They are more regimented than your magic, though I believe that's a long-standing choice and not innate. If there is a bad spill or artificial amplification, Mist can cause poisoning, or monster mutation. That's as much as know.

If your essence is too imbalanced, what are the symptoms? And...is there a point of no return?

[massochism]

Mm, it sounds rewarding. Like when I'm teaching the children to read and write... some very so frustrated, but they're always the ones that are the most triumphant when they finally figure it out.

[He loves to watch as they learn and grow, after all. To give them something gentle to learn from...]

Viera... those are the people with lagomorph features, right? [again, he doesn't know much about them—doubly reasonable with Viera but he doesn't know that—but the name has been out there.] We don't concentrate essence, exactly, for magic—but it's definitely similar, yes.

With essence, it's usually influenced by the seasons or location. As far as I know, it's very difficult for anyone to actually collect enough essence to cause problems on their own.

Ah... it depends. Symptoms fall under a wide range, from fever and sickness to... well, physical arousal. [His cheeks flush as he says it, the sight fidgeting suggesting that he perhaps deals with that part from time to time.] There is a final limit to what the body can take, yes. It varies from person to person—it takes a lot more for me to feel the effects of essence poisoning than the average person, for example.

There are... a lot of case studies on the effects of it, mostly in the records of healers. A large mass of chaotic essence essentially destabilises the whole body from the inside, so if it isn't regulated, the buildup will shut down the internal organs one by one. Thankfully, it's very rare for it to be that bad—you would have to truly neglect yourself to go that far.

[bardische]

My frustrated ones are typically too old to change drastically, but it's still rewarding to see my students learn. [ His face is soft with memory ]

Mmm, yes. They are a different species entirely, though reclusive so not a lot is known. They live hundreds of years, and it's believed they cannot produce offspring with humans, though it may be cultural. They are legally immune to our politics and borders, for the most part, as we have no way to enforce them, and Viera Mist usage is so potent, it could be a real security risk to aggravate them.

[ He frowns slightly as he listens to the explanation, trying to fit the pieces together. ] And does relieving the arousal relieve the essence poisoning? Can anyone help with the sickness, or is specialized treatment needed?

[ Will I be able to protect you? ]

[massochism]

Mm, that seems to be the case most of the time. [that soft face makes him smile more.]

I see. It sounds slightly troublesome, but at least it seems like they don't intentionally cause problems.

[Basch's followup questions make sense, but he reaches to squeeze a hand in reassurance.]

Yes, if it's minor enough, that's a way to help. Anyone with essence can help to regulate it, generally, since it can be shared with contact. If it's more major... it really depends on what is actually happening. We have some medical procedures that can help, usually involving dispersing the essence in the body.

Thankfully, it's very unusual for something like that to happen.

[bardische]

[ He laughs a little more openly. ] Some did, but I don’t hold it against them.

[ The answers soothe Basch, and the touch on his makes him warm again. Alright. So he can help, if it’s a problem. He still doesn’t fully understand, but if he has essence then he can be of assistance to Olivine.

He puts a hand on the other’s knee briefly, squeezing. ]

Alright, that’s good enough for me. Did you want to talk about whatever was worrying you, or is that enough for today?

[massochism]

[He looks sheepish at that question, taking another bite of his food before speaking again.]

I don't mind talking, but... I'm still not really sure where to begin. I know you wanted to know more about me, but I've actually... lived a fairly boring life, I think. I guess I'm afraid that it won't be enough to keep connecting to you. [that he'll be boring or out of touch, or Basch will find something out about his actions and decide he actually is despicable and—]

[bardische]

[ Basch’s hand seeks out Olivine’s, steady and firm. ] That’s a normal worry, but I would know already if it was going to be a problem. [ Here, at least, he can trust his experience and higher age. ]

It doesn’t matter if we are different. I like your company, and I appreciate your values, and you don’t have unrealistic expectations of me.

[ He doubts Olivine is as boring as he thinks, but he remembers feeling that way about himself. Still does sometimes. ]

We’ll keep getting to know one another. Slowly. That’s normal too.

[massochism]

[the reassurance helps more than he expected, that smile broadening a little in turn with the words and the grip on his hand.]

That's... true. Thank you. Sorry, I'm actually not used to talking about myself. Or with people. I... [maybe the hardest part for Olivine to wrestle with is actually the easiest to start with, in some horrible irony. he still hesitates, implying more but struggling to find the words to say.] I wouldn't really know what to expect out of someone else, anyway. I've only really ever known what it is to be a priest.

[what he does say is, of course, still concerning.]

[bardische]

[ That...explains why Olivine doesn't have the same protest to the way the villagers were acting that Basch does. But it doesn't surprise him. He just nods, trying to figure out how to say what he wants to say. ]

I'm not either. And my only expectation of you is that you be honest with me about what you want and don't want. Especially if it changes. That's all. You don't need to feel self-conscious on my account.

[massochism]

I can do that much. [he exhales a laugh at that, nodding. for the most part, at least, that's... easy, even.] But I'm always self-conscious, really.

[his free hand rests over the gemstone in his abdomen, clearly a familiar, soothing gesture.]

I know that we're alone out here, and yet I still find it hard to form the words. But ah. When I say that my life has been boring, I actually mean that it was... well, very rigid. Teaching and books and practical exams, drills on what is expected of me. There wasn't much time to do anything else, especially with expectations set so high. [and that explains why he learned most of his cooking from books.]