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[bardische]

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[bardische]

I'm not...good at it either. But it's good for us to not carry things alone. Whatever you ask in return, I'll do my best to answer. I'm not going anywhere. You can take all the time you need.

[ It's a promise, he realizes, and one he deeply means. He just wishes it didn't have to be interrupted. He sighs into Olivine's hair, wrapping entirely around the other. He can feel the ache beginning in his legs again. He wants to make what he can of this time.

It's longer than he expects, but not by much. His breathing turns to an occasional hiss first, and finally, the spasms start. ]

I have to go [ He whispers, voice strained. ] I'll be back as soon as I can, and if you decide to go back to town, I'll find you. [ He squeezes Olivine again, kissing his hair, then his lips, but it's broken by a hissing moan. ] I'm sorry.

[ Then he's gone, as far away as he can before the rest of the transformation takes him. Olivine may hear a howl, full of rage and frustration. He doesn't remember much of this transformation, but he vents his anger on the local monsters, and does his best to hide himself. He isn't sure how many days it's been when the reversal begins. It's more painful, without Olivine's magic, but it's more even, taking half a day, and when that's done, he drags himself to the river they washed in, scrubbing the dirt and blood and muck from himself. His reflection is scruffy, but he's all human.

Only then does he make his way back to the cave, suddenly shy. What if Olivine isn't there? What if he's thought about the last few weeks, about Basch, and come to his senses? Worse, what if something's happened to him, out here waiting? Maybe he should have guarded closer, maybe he should have -- ]

Olivine?

[massochism]

[there's a hum of acknowledgement and agreement, before settling into the space. time eases by blissfully slowly, and he's almost dozing by the time the hisses start. they're enough to alert him to the coming need, and he leans into the kiss and brushes Basch's hair back, smiling softly.]

Don't apologise. Just take care of yourself, and I'll see you soon.

[a few days, nothing more. the howl pulls at his heartstrings, but he resists the urge to go find him. to go see him and protect him. Basch has lived this long, it'll be fine.

during the days, the priest returns to the village, keeping an eye on both monsters and the surroundings in case something should happen with the werewolf himself. nothing does, and it's good—in fact, it seems like there are fewer monsters altogether. but once he's done with his patrolling and picking up supplies, he returns to the cave to wait. he's just reading something when there's a sound near the entrance, a familiar voice seeing him perking up.]

You're back. [he's on his feet in an instant, sweeping steps bringing him up to the taller man and his eyes looking over him in plain concern. hands reach out to take one of his.] How are you feeling? Is there any residual pain?

[bardische]

[ You're back. No surprise. No doubt. No disappointment. He's surprised by how tight that makes his chest.

Olivine takes his hand, worry in his face. Basch wanted to hold him again, pull him in fiercely and kiss him, but...now that seems too forward. He stays awkwardly still, once again naked in front of Olivine's clothed body, and just shakes his head. ]

I'm fine. It's completely finished. It shouldn't bother me at all for a few weeks.

[ He licks his lips, suddenly dry, not sure how to reach out. ]

You're alright?

[massochism]

[his smile broadens as Basch speaks, dispelling that concern easily. if the other was lying, he could probably tell—and honestly, he wants to trust him anyway.

giving a soft tug of that hand, Olivine will start to lead him back.]

I'm glad. You didn't get injured while you were out there... [there's more relief there. it's not that he doesn't think he could protect himself, obviously. the man was a guard.] I'm fine, yes. It's been peaceful around the village.

Ah—I washed your clothes for you. Are you hungry?

[bardische]

[ Basch is not a skilled liar. He can keep a straight face, but that's about it.

He doesn't like to lie to those he cares about, though. Omit, perhaps, but not lie. ]

I'm...usually the most frightening thing out there [ He says softly, but he keeps his hand in Olivine's two, following him without hesitation. ] I get stronger, and I'm large.

[ He's...glad. Relieved. A little embarrassed. He wanted to protect the cave and the village, so it's good to hear they were quiet. He doesn't want to be a beast, but he isn't right now. And -- Olivine was thinking of him. So maybe this is still all okay.

Then he goes pink. ] That was extremely kind. Thank you. I can dress, and we can eat together?

[ Because he doesn't feel quite human yet, and that would help. ] Something that isn't meat would help my stomach adjust. [ He finally manages a small smile. ]

[massochism]

Even the most frightening thing out there can be hurt, Basch.

[Olivine doesn't scold him sharply, just says it as a gentle reminder. he's going to worry regardless, after all.

when the other thanks him, that smile only broadens, his fingers squeezing the hand they're still curled around.]

It was my pleasure. That sounds good.

[and maybe after, they can cuddle a little while they talk, he doesn't say. but it'll be easier to scoot closer when they're sitting down...]

Mm, I have some fruits, if you're hungry while I cook. I have the ingredients for a hearty vegetable stew, but it'll take a bit of time.

[Olivine only releases Basch when they've reached the spot where he's set up a little fire pit, bending down to pick up a folded pile of clothes for the taller man.]

[bardische]

[ before these last few weeks he’d thought maybe it would be better if something had hurt him. Now, his chest tightens again that someone would care if it did. Someone who is smiling at him like he matters.

A moment of guilt seizes him, like he’s somehow deceived this man, but…how? Olivine has seen more of him than anyone in months. Transformation and all.

He misses Olivine’s hands immediately, but gratefully takes the clean clothing. ] I can wait.

[ Truthfully, Olivine’s cooking surpassed his own, and having someone cook for him is still a novelty.

Modesty already gone, he proceeds to dress where they are, trying not to stare too much as the other gets to work. He’s just…glad he’s still here. Glad he’s real. ]

[massochism]

Alright. If you do get hungry, please let me know.

[of course, Olivine isn't worried about being deceived. he's been operating more on Basch's actions than his words in the first place, once he'd realised how difficult the latter were for him.

but for now, he's quick to set up a pot, busying himself with a bag of supplies and pouch of seasonings, plus the requisite water to actually start the cooking. a few vegetables he sets out to prepare for later, laid out on a delicate wrapping.]

Are you thirsty?

[now that the busy part is done, he can tend to Basch himself. after all, he's already getting a small wooden cup for himself, pouring a bit of water into it and setting it down on the blanket he's set out nearby.

and... now that Basch is back, there's a lot to talk about. honestly, Olivine still isn't sure where to begin, when they do.]

[bardische]

[ The impulse is there, as always, to shake his head and insist he's fine. He resists, because what he does know if this man is that he likes to caretake, and he's happier when Basch accepts it. ]

Yes, thank you.

[ Plus, it will give him something to do with his hands when he inevitably gets self-conscious. Basch joins him on the blanket, close enough to reach but not quite bold enough yet. ]

I...you know if you change your mind, at any time for any reason, you can tell me, no questions asked, yes?

[ Because...that's what he's afraid of. Not that Olivine will regret him. But that he'll feel trapped. ]

[massochism]

[Olivine looks up at Basch when he says that, expression... a little hard to read. sweet still, maybe unsure. he understands enough of the man to know this isn't a suggestion or a request, just...]

... I know that, yes. [and, to alleviate any worry that he's thinking about it, he lets himself lean gently into the other's side.] You're not an obligation, Basch. I'm here because I want to be.

[it's a fact that surprises him a little, honestly. not that he feels that way, but how deeply he does. how much he wants to let this man in, even if he himself doesn't even want to face the blemishes of his own personality and history.]

[bardische]

[ his breath catches as Olivine leans against him, and those words confirm the other’s feelings.

He recomposes himself, and, steeling himself with the knowledge that Olivine wanted this before, he loops his arm around the other, gently pressing his head to the other’s hair ]

I will trust you, then.

[massochism]

[unsurprisingly, it softens Olivine's expression more when that arm loops around him, eyes falling closed at the warmth of his head against his hair.]

And I'll do the same. [his hand curls around that arm then, a soft chuckle on his lips.] I'm glad you're back and safe, truly.

[bardische]

[ His grip tightens, and Olivine can surely feel the way he takes a deep breath to study himself. ]

Thank you.

[ For that. For the hand on his arm and weight on his shoulder. For everything. ]

[massochism]

[fingers tighten and Olivine's breath hitches, his attention turned upward. The thanks feels so unneeded, because he just... he's always seen Basch this way, so isn't it natural? He doesn't say anything about it, though.]

You're welcome... and thank you, too.

[muscles flexing, Olivine turns himself to really look at Basch, examining his face and reaching his free hand upward, to brush his fingers over coarse facial hair. It's only now that he really realises how worried he was the other wouldn't come back.]

I know I promised to explain about myself... do you mind waiting until after we eat? I... for now, I just want to spend some time with you.

As long as you still want to, that is.

[He doesn't think otherwise, but the offer feels almost routine to give. As if they hadn't been utterly intimate not days ago, as if they weren't practically trying to melt into each other with each hold.]

[bardische]

[ For a moment Basch's grip slackens, thinking he's made Olivine uncomfortable, but that look corrects his read, and he redoubles his hold. Only years of restraint keep him from slinging the other's legs up over his own. They may have been intimate, but he was half-transformed, and somehow, it still feels more off-limits to touch without sex.

But then Olivine's touching his face, and his eyes close of their own accord. His hand comes to enfold Olivine's, reveling in how much more clearly he can feel the skin. ]

Of course. When you're ready. [ He tilts his head, pressing a gentle kiss to Olivine's hairline. ] I want to be here. Very much.

[massochism]

[Really, the only reason he hasn't already pressed himself into Basch's lap is the fact that he does have to keep something of an eye on the food. It's unlikely to boil over, but caution is still ideal.

Ah, but Basch's hand feels so nice over his own. Like this it's easier to tell just how warm Olivine runs—not alarming, but notable.]

Then... after we eat. I'll try. [He'll never be "ready," he's sure. Not really. Then he chuckles, closing his eyes at the kid to his hair (God, he wishes it were his lips) and pressing into his side more.] and if you have any questions, it might help me find a good place to start. Or continue.

... it makes me very happy to hear that. I'm... very glad I'm not alone anymore.

[It slips from his lips before he can really think about it, and he doesn't even notice it at first.]

[bardische]

[ He does notice the heat this time, much more easily without his fur or warmer wolf blood. He's glad he already knows it doesn't mean sickness, or he would worry.

As it is, he nods against Olivine's hair. Really, he'd do near anything this man asked. That should scare him, but he doesn't think Olivine will abuse that. ]

I can do that for you.

[ And then he's intaking sharply again, and this time he doesn't resist the urge to reach for Olivine, both arms wrapping around him and encouraging him closer, like he can shield him from whatever led to this sadness. ]

So long as you want me to, I will always come back. [ Because he can't promise always being here, not with how dangerous he is, and he hates it. But he can give as much as is safe. ]

[massochism]

[a little noise escapes him, as it so often does, but he's quick to lean into that hold and nestle in close, warming his whole soul with the contact. this really is just... perfect, somehow. it feels like it should be, even.]

... then I will believe in that. [it's a fragile little admission, a reminder that he will. Olivine always wants him to come back, that much he's sure of. after that declaration, he falls quiet, just basking in this closeness, until he finally exhales a sigh and nuzzles his face into Basch's jaw.] I should get up to stir the stew and add the rest of the vegetables. It should be done soon.

[bardische]

[ Basch almost regrets agreeing to food, because he doesn't want to let Olivine go, not with how fragile the other seems. He's so stoic, in his own way, but the minute Basch holds him, he melts. ]

I'm not going anywhere [ he murmurs, as much to himself as to Olivine. This time he pulls back enough to tip Olivine's face up so his kiss lands on the other's lips. It's a little shy, but firm, not demanding, but as solid as his hold. ]

[massochism]

Of course—

[he lets himself be stopped by the tip of his head, the press of lips against his own. it's only been a few days, but it settles something in him in ways he can't explain. just that shy, firm little motion, and he can lean up into it in turn, cradling Basch's cheek for just a moment.]

... Mm. I missed that, too.

[shy and sweet. reluctantly (more because he just wants to attach himself to Basch than any worry or loneliness in the moment) he lifts himself up, touch lingering as long as he can manage before he's moving to put together the rest of the food. another five or ten minutes, he thinks, and then they can eat.]

[bardische]

[ Basch isn't sure how someone can miss something they've barely had a taste of, but he feels it too. And there's no denying Olivine's interest, not in the way he holds Basch's face, or in the way his touch lingers.

Basch wants to offer to help, but he's not sure he wouldn't just slow things down.

What he does offer is an easy question. ]

Where did you learn to cook?

[massochism]

Ah—from... books, mostly. [He looks quite sheepish, saying it.] with stew, I also learned how to make it for large groups back at the church.

I like to help out when we do large food drives for the community, giving back some of the kindness we've been shown.

[There's such earnest warmth then, speaking of the work. Olivine may struggle with the insistent generosity, but he clearly loves what he does. It's a complicated thing, overall. Plus... well, there's a lot to be said.]

... I remember I felt so warm the first time someone ate my cooking and enjoyed it. It was nothing extravagant, just something like this, but they were so appreciative... [brows furrow briefly as he stirs the pot, then rises to rejoin Basch for the moment.] There are still a lot of cooking styles I'd love to try, though. I've read about so many cultures, and I want to understand them all.

[bardische]

Helping people and making them feel safe is extremely rewarding [ Basch agrees quietly. Before he'd been promoted and his work kept him within the confines of the higher ranking, he'd enjoyed being on relief teams. ]

My country was invaded when I was young. I remember what a difference the people who provided aid made. And food is a wonderful way to share culture.

[ It's one of the few ways he's kept his home with him. ]

If you'd like to travel, you should. [ And Basch would follow him, if he wanted it. He was serious about being a Guard, and not leaving unless Olivine changed his mind. But again, it feels forward to say it. Here is one thing. Anywhere is another. ]

[massochism]

It is. [for a moment, he's quiet, taking in that information. invasions are rare here, and more often they'd occur on the other borders than out here near the waters. regardless, the idea of Basch going through that...] I'm sorry. That sounds terrible... though I'm glad there were people who provided aid in that circumstance, too.

[he can't keep himself away while they talk, drawing back over to take the blond's hands and settle in his lap. there's no rush now, at least.]

It... isn't quite so simple as that, truthfully. My duties as a priest are important, and I will need to return home eventually. [getting work like this that took him outside of the city... well, it's neither too unusual nor too common really.] Ah, but I'd like to try some of your food from your home sometime, as well. Perhaps when I return home, we can find whatever you might need at the markets.

[it's probably no surprise that he expects Basch to stay with him now. they'd promised, and as frightened as the priest is about failing that promise somehow, he's taking it on its face. the idea that the other is basically agreeing to go anywhere with him is warm and comforting too, but he's almost afraid to mention it.]

[bardische]

It was a long time ago. [ Not dismissive, just a fact. ] I tried to be that for others when I was able. [ Past tense. It's felt like a thing he couldn't be anymore, with the curse but...maybe with Olivine, he can. Or at least help the work Olivine does here. He's changed homes once. Doing it again isn't so terrible. It's much better than roaming alone until he dies, which he'd made peace with.

But then Olivine is settling into his lap, and all his thoughts are gone for a moment. It's instinctual to settle around the other, some part of him calming, like things are back where they should be. He shouldn't be this attached, but his nerves are far off, and echo he doesn't want to listen to. ]

Travel usually means returning home [ he points out. But it does occur to him the city will be more challenging with his affliction. Still. If Olivine is willing, Basch will leave and return, every month.

It seems absurd, to think he'll have more than a few cycles of this. And he knows it will be that much worse if he loses it. But -- he has never been strong enough to turn away. ]

I will gladly show you. Certainly from Rabanastre, and Landis if we can find the ingredients. The climate here is more similar. I haven't had a chance to make any of my mother's dishes in a long time.