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[bardische]

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[bardische]

I understand social pressure to be presentable [ he murmurs, continuing to just hold Olivine securely. ] I am both discreet and private, if that is worrying you.

[ He did think he understood, or could at least locate this. The diplomats and princes and high ranking officials had similar pressures. One could not be a person when they were an office first. ]

I'm not good at people, either, but -- we seem to be doing alright with each other.

[ He thinks there's something else there, but it isn't his place to pry. ]

[massochism]

No, there's no worry. [He's quick to dismiss that idea, leaning up to press his lips to Basch's scruffy chin.] It's simply why I didn't think I would have this.

[because yes, he has been his title this whole time. Even he knows that.]

That's true. Maybe it has to do with how we met... [as almost enemies, really. But Basch hadn't been introduced to him as Your Holiness, after all, and that's... very different.] Oh—and I forgot to say so, but I actually tend to run warm because my essence levels are naturally high.

[a sheepish little laugh, and he lets himself settle, cheek pressed to furry chest.]

I'm glad... for all of this. Well, aside from the pain you've had to endure.

[bardische]

[ He's having a little more trouble connecting why, if Olivine didn't think he'd have this, he took a chance with Basch. A tiny worry sprouts that it is just that he's here and available and private, when he feels like Olivine is special, but it wouldn't be the first time, and honestly, would it change his feelings or his behavior? He knew it wouldn't. ]

I would have thought seeing me transform would drive anyone sane away. But if you'd met me as a guard, I'd never have opened up. [ He probably wouldn't have if he hadn't been so attention starved and sure he was dropping Olivine at the next tow. An indulgence he was now having trouble regretting. ]

I don't know much about essence. Is it something you need to manage? Will you get even warmer if you are sick? Are you prone to overheating?

[ How can I care for you? as padded fingers stroke through Olivine's hair, heart beating quicker at the sweetness of having him nestled up against his -- very much werewolf -- chest. ]

I'm glad to be here with you, like this. If the cost was pain, it makes it more bearable.

[massochism]

[in turn, Olivine would have trouble explaining it. it has to do with the fact that he'd taken the priest away from all his problems, reminded him that he's still a person with feelings and whose feelings had only grown over time.]

Well, perhaps I'm not so sane, really. [he's not bothered by the idea. sometimes he feels less than sane anyway, a constant ache in the face of everything.] I'm glad you did, in any case.

[oh, but he's worrying now. Olivine feels terrible for causing it, but at least he can explain.]

It's alright. I'll explain in detail when we have time, but essence is, basically, just an energy source. It's what we use for magic here, for example. I do tend to get warmer when I'm sick, but I rarely get sick. I don't overheat much. It does need regulation, but that'll be easier to explain with more time too.

[it's something Basch seems to have, after all, based on their intimacy... his smile widens a little as the man speaks, a little huff of breath against sandy fur.]

I'd still rather you weren't in pain... but I'll happily accept that.

[bardische]

[ He frowns lightly, feeling like he hasn't said the right thing. He brushes Olivine's hair again, squeezing him closer. ] I like the way you are. [ His ears go back. He's not sure that means anything, but it's true. If it weren't, he wouldn't have had so much trouble leaving, or resisting being close like this.

He does ease some, though, at the response. And while he wants to know, he understands now is not the time. ]

You keep worrying about me, but who worries about you? Are the towns always like that?

[massochism]

Ah—I know. [He chuckles, letting himself be pulled a little closer, squeezed tighter.] I just meant it doesn't matter what I am, really. I like you anyway.

[sane or not. What other people think is... unimportant. He reminds himself of it, resolute in the knowledge that Basch himself is supportive of him, not his title.

Who worries about you? The question catches him off guard, and his head tilts up to watch the blond again, considering how to answer. He seems so worried about the towns...]

I... well, not always? They refer to me as Father or Your Holiness, of course, as deference. But some villages and towns are more enthusiastic than others. At home, in the water city, it's usually less overwhelming.

As to who worries... I try to ensure that there aren't reasons to worry about me. I don't want to let anyone down.

[bardische]

[ The pieces keep shifting, some becoming clearer, some more confusing. That Olivine likes him, and wants to keep insisting on it, makes his heart skip.

But so does the way he...doesn't dismiss, but slides over these questions. ]

I understand [ Because he does. That impulse is deep in him. ] But...please don't do that with me. You deserve somewhere to be honest, and I like taking care of those I care about.

[ it's more forward than he'd normally be. Is it their closeness, or perhaps another element of the transformation? It doesn't matter. It needs to be said. ]

[massochism]

[Olivine's eyes widen first, and then he... looks down for a moment. He's quiet for a while longer, hands never releasing Basch.

He... wants to take care of him. Wants him to be honest. But Olivine is terrified of that, too. Letting him see it all...]

Then... I'll try. [a quiet, resolute promise, even on trembling lips. If he pulls the curtain back, then...] When you return, okay? It's... it's not so easy to talk about. And I don't... want the conversation to end before you get all the answers you deserve.

[He's still scared. Honestly, he's not sure he'll ever stop being scared, and there's a lot he doesn't want to admit even to himself.]

[bardische]

[ His brow furrows, but he doesn't push. Olivine is withdrawing, but he's not moving away, and that's enough. ]

Of course. Whenever you're comfortable, and when I can be entirely present. I'm sorry that's not today.

[ But there's something else there, and he doesn't know what it is or how to address it. ]

Whatever you have to share, it isn't going to change my opinion of you. [ That he can say with confidence. A man is his actions, more than anything, and Olivine is a good, kind man. And it isn't like Basch hasn't done some deplorable things. ]

[massochism]

You don't have to apologise for that. It's not as though you've a choice, Basch.

[his smile is a little wavering, especially when the blond continues. does he mean it? it's not like he's ever said something he doesn't mean, after all. can he trust that?]

It's just... difficult, because I've never really talked about myself before. But I'm glad you don't think your opinion will change. That helps me.

[it isn't even that he's done anything terrible, really. his issues are mostly internal (and ridiculous, sorry for your inevitable irritation at anyone around him, Basch). anyway, that promise settles him again, expression softening.]

I'm happy to explain everything I can to you, no matter how long it takes. If you want to know... then I want to tell you. It just might take me a little while to get there. [he squeezes the other a little closer then, returning to the comfortable position of just... lying here with him. everything else feels completely distant, the quiet interrupted only by breath or the ghost of a breeze near the entrance of the cave.]

[bardische]

I'm not...good at it either. But it's good for us to not carry things alone. Whatever you ask in return, I'll do my best to answer. I'm not going anywhere. You can take all the time you need.

[ It's a promise, he realizes, and one he deeply means. He just wishes it didn't have to be interrupted. He sighs into Olivine's hair, wrapping entirely around the other. He can feel the ache beginning in his legs again. He wants to make what he can of this time.

It's longer than he expects, but not by much. His breathing turns to an occasional hiss first, and finally, the spasms start. ]

I have to go [ He whispers, voice strained. ] I'll be back as soon as I can, and if you decide to go back to town, I'll find you. [ He squeezes Olivine again, kissing his hair, then his lips, but it's broken by a hissing moan. ] I'm sorry.

[ Then he's gone, as far away as he can before the rest of the transformation takes him. Olivine may hear a howl, full of rage and frustration. He doesn't remember much of this transformation, but he vents his anger on the local monsters, and does his best to hide himself. He isn't sure how many days it's been when the reversal begins. It's more painful, without Olivine's magic, but it's more even, taking half a day, and when that's done, he drags himself to the river they washed in, scrubbing the dirt and blood and muck from himself. His reflection is scruffy, but he's all human.

Only then does he make his way back to the cave, suddenly shy. What if Olivine isn't there? What if he's thought about the last few weeks, about Basch, and come to his senses? Worse, what if something's happened to him, out here waiting? Maybe he should have guarded closer, maybe he should have -- ]

Olivine?

[massochism]

[there's a hum of acknowledgement and agreement, before settling into the space. time eases by blissfully slowly, and he's almost dozing by the time the hisses start. they're enough to alert him to the coming need, and he leans into the kiss and brushes Basch's hair back, smiling softly.]

Don't apologise. Just take care of yourself, and I'll see you soon.

[a few days, nothing more. the howl pulls at his heartstrings, but he resists the urge to go find him. to go see him and protect him. Basch has lived this long, it'll be fine.

during the days, the priest returns to the village, keeping an eye on both monsters and the surroundings in case something should happen with the werewolf himself. nothing does, and it's good—in fact, it seems like there are fewer monsters altogether. but once he's done with his patrolling and picking up supplies, he returns to the cave to wait. he's just reading something when there's a sound near the entrance, a familiar voice seeing him perking up.]

You're back. [he's on his feet in an instant, sweeping steps bringing him up to the taller man and his eyes looking over him in plain concern. hands reach out to take one of his.] How are you feeling? Is there any residual pain?

[bardische]

[ You're back. No surprise. No doubt. No disappointment. He's surprised by how tight that makes his chest.

Olivine takes his hand, worry in his face. Basch wanted to hold him again, pull him in fiercely and kiss him, but...now that seems too forward. He stays awkwardly still, once again naked in front of Olivine's clothed body, and just shakes his head. ]

I'm fine. It's completely finished. It shouldn't bother me at all for a few weeks.

[ He licks his lips, suddenly dry, not sure how to reach out. ]

You're alright?

[massochism]

[his smile broadens as Basch speaks, dispelling that concern easily. if the other was lying, he could probably tell—and honestly, he wants to trust him anyway.

giving a soft tug of that hand, Olivine will start to lead him back.]

I'm glad. You didn't get injured while you were out there... [there's more relief there. it's not that he doesn't think he could protect himself, obviously. the man was a guard.] I'm fine, yes. It's been peaceful around the village.

Ah—I washed your clothes for you. Are you hungry?

[bardische]

[ Basch is not a skilled liar. He can keep a straight face, but that's about it.

He doesn't like to lie to those he cares about, though. Omit, perhaps, but not lie. ]

I'm...usually the most frightening thing out there [ He says softly, but he keeps his hand in Olivine's two, following him without hesitation. ] I get stronger, and I'm large.

[ He's...glad. Relieved. A little embarrassed. He wanted to protect the cave and the village, so it's good to hear they were quiet. He doesn't want to be a beast, but he isn't right now. And -- Olivine was thinking of him. So maybe this is still all okay.

Then he goes pink. ] That was extremely kind. Thank you. I can dress, and we can eat together?

[ Because he doesn't feel quite human yet, and that would help. ] Something that isn't meat would help my stomach adjust. [ He finally manages a small smile. ]

[massochism]

Even the most frightening thing out there can be hurt, Basch.

[Olivine doesn't scold him sharply, just says it as a gentle reminder. he's going to worry regardless, after all.

when the other thanks him, that smile only broadens, his fingers squeezing the hand they're still curled around.]

It was my pleasure. That sounds good.

[and maybe after, they can cuddle a little while they talk, he doesn't say. but it'll be easier to scoot closer when they're sitting down...]

Mm, I have some fruits, if you're hungry while I cook. I have the ingredients for a hearty vegetable stew, but it'll take a bit of time.

[Olivine only releases Basch when they've reached the spot where he's set up a little fire pit, bending down to pick up a folded pile of clothes for the taller man.]

[bardische]

[ before these last few weeks he’d thought maybe it would be better if something had hurt him. Now, his chest tightens again that someone would care if it did. Someone who is smiling at him like he matters.

A moment of guilt seizes him, like he’s somehow deceived this man, but…how? Olivine has seen more of him than anyone in months. Transformation and all.

He misses Olivine’s hands immediately, but gratefully takes the clean clothing. ] I can wait.

[ Truthfully, Olivine’s cooking surpassed his own, and having someone cook for him is still a novelty.

Modesty already gone, he proceeds to dress where they are, trying not to stare too much as the other gets to work. He’s just…glad he’s still here. Glad he’s real. ]

[massochism]

Alright. If you do get hungry, please let me know.

[of course, Olivine isn't worried about being deceived. he's been operating more on Basch's actions than his words in the first place, once he'd realised how difficult the latter were for him.

but for now, he's quick to set up a pot, busying himself with a bag of supplies and pouch of seasonings, plus the requisite water to actually start the cooking. a few vegetables he sets out to prepare for later, laid out on a delicate wrapping.]

Are you thirsty?

[now that the busy part is done, he can tend to Basch himself. after all, he's already getting a small wooden cup for himself, pouring a bit of water into it and setting it down on the blanket he's set out nearby.

and... now that Basch is back, there's a lot to talk about. honestly, Olivine still isn't sure where to begin, when they do.]

[bardische]

[ The impulse is there, as always, to shake his head and insist he's fine. He resists, because what he does know if this man is that he likes to caretake, and he's happier when Basch accepts it. ]

Yes, thank you.

[ Plus, it will give him something to do with his hands when he inevitably gets self-conscious. Basch joins him on the blanket, close enough to reach but not quite bold enough yet. ]

I...you know if you change your mind, at any time for any reason, you can tell me, no questions asked, yes?

[ Because...that's what he's afraid of. Not that Olivine will regret him. But that he'll feel trapped. ]

[massochism]

[Olivine looks up at Basch when he says that, expression... a little hard to read. sweet still, maybe unsure. he understands enough of the man to know this isn't a suggestion or a request, just...]

... I know that, yes. [and, to alleviate any worry that he's thinking about it, he lets himself lean gently into the other's side.] You're not an obligation, Basch. I'm here because I want to be.

[it's a fact that surprises him a little, honestly. not that he feels that way, but how deeply he does. how much he wants to let this man in, even if he himself doesn't even want to face the blemishes of his own personality and history.]

[bardische]

[ his breath catches as Olivine leans against him, and those words confirm the other’s feelings.

He recomposes himself, and, steeling himself with the knowledge that Olivine wanted this before, he loops his arm around the other, gently pressing his head to the other’s hair ]

I will trust you, then.

[massochism]

[unsurprisingly, it softens Olivine's expression more when that arm loops around him, eyes falling closed at the warmth of his head against his hair.]

And I'll do the same. [his hand curls around that arm then, a soft chuckle on his lips.] I'm glad you're back and safe, truly.

[bardische]

[ His grip tightens, and Olivine can surely feel the way he takes a deep breath to study himself. ]

Thank you.

[ For that. For the hand on his arm and weight on his shoulder. For everything. ]

[massochism]

[fingers tighten and Olivine's breath hitches, his attention turned upward. The thanks feels so unneeded, because he just... he's always seen Basch this way, so isn't it natural? He doesn't say anything about it, though.]

You're welcome... and thank you, too.

[muscles flexing, Olivine turns himself to really look at Basch, examining his face and reaching his free hand upward, to brush his fingers over coarse facial hair. It's only now that he really realises how worried he was the other wouldn't come back.]

I know I promised to explain about myself... do you mind waiting until after we eat? I... for now, I just want to spend some time with you.

As long as you still want to, that is.

[He doesn't think otherwise, but the offer feels almost routine to give. As if they hadn't been utterly intimate not days ago, as if they weren't practically trying to melt into each other with each hold.]

[bardische]

[ For a moment Basch's grip slackens, thinking he's made Olivine uncomfortable, but that look corrects his read, and he redoubles his hold. Only years of restraint keep him from slinging the other's legs up over his own. They may have been intimate, but he was half-transformed, and somehow, it still feels more off-limits to touch without sex.

But then Olivine's touching his face, and his eyes close of their own accord. His hand comes to enfold Olivine's, reveling in how much more clearly he can feel the skin. ]

Of course. When you're ready. [ He tilts his head, pressing a gentle kiss to Olivine's hairline. ] I want to be here. Very much.