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[bardische]

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[massochism]

[He would scold Basch for thinking that way, if he really knew how deeply it went. His affliction doesn't define him, after all. No apologies, he says, and Olivine almost crumbles for a second. There's no sadness in it, just more... well, surprise, honestly.]

So—alright. [how many times has he apologized? Clawed fingers tuck his hair back and he speaks again, Olivine's brows rising in surprise with every comment. They can't be true statements, he's sure, but... but he wants to believe in them.] I... then...

[It's so selfish, he feels. The thought of asking twists in his heart like nothing else, guilty and selfish even though he's just been told Basch wants to make him happy. He's already so happy, isn't he?]

... I don't really want to be apart from you until I have to. [His gaze drops, cheeks hot. It's too selfish, and he wouldn't blame Basch for deciding it really was too much. Still, he can't make himself not be honest. The blond doesn't deserve that.]

[bardische]

[ It's his turn to smile shyly. A flush spreads across his cheeks and down his neck, his ears back submissively. He licks his lips, resisting the urge to press his nose against Olivine's. He doesn't force the other's face back up, but he steps a little closer. ]

You made that clear when you followed me. [ He strokes the other's face with his thumb, praying his transformation will hold off awhile longer. ] I'm finally admitting I feel the same.

[massochism]

[Basch steps closer, not away, and it pulls his gaze back upwards. he's so—no, it feels like he's so sure, but Olivine finally gets the impression that that's just a difference in them. their insecurities shine in different ways, but this is... good. it works for them.]

... did I? [that earns a little laugh, embarrassed. was he really that obvious? but... his heart could burst when Basch continues, breath escaping him in shaky relief.] ... I'm glad. Then... if you'll carry me, I... think I'd like that.

[they're both praying this transformation will be kind, really. to give them the time to sit in these emotions and puzzle them out a little. but at least, even if they do have to part abruptly, he believes Basch will be back. he won't abandon him.]

[bardische]

[ Basch thought the same of Olivine, at least until this exchange began. He seems so sure of everything. Enough to make Basch question his own resolve.

His face softens again at the request. He'd wanted to or he wouldn't have asked, but he wouldn't pressure, not ever. ]

Arms around my neck [ he murmurs as his own go to lift Olivine's knees and brace his back. Basch feels better this way, too, with Olivine close and knowing the other isn't straining anything that may be sore.

And the truth is, it does feel easier than it should. One of the only pleasant parts of the transformation, though admittedly, it usually worries him. ]

You know where the water is? Do I need to bring something to cover you?

[massochism]

Right.

[it's almost boyish in its excitement, as Olivine twines his arms around Basch's neck, leaning his cheek into the fuzzy swell of his chest as he's lifted up. this feels... warm. nostalgic. he could cry, except he's worried the other would misunderstand it.

Basch's heartbeat is strong in his ear, and for a moment he can only close his eyes to drift into it.]

Mm. When we leave the cave, it's to the left. Not very far. I'll be fine like this, I don't think anyone will be out this far.

[his fingers curl in blond hair, and he looks up warmly at him. this feels... perfect. right. nothing else matters beyond this moment.]

[bardische]

[ olivine’s eagerness makes him smile. That smile only deepens when the other curls against his chest, and his breath catches at the suddenly vivid fantasy of having the other asleep there.

He begins to walk, careful not to jostle too much. But olivine’s hand in his hair pulls his attention back, that smile making his heart stutter. Not in his wildest dreams had he expected for anyone to look at him that way, and certainly not this priest who had found him a mindless beast just a few weeks ago.

He follows the directions, and the water isn’t far. ] Do you want to go in, or just clean up beside it? [ because he’s suddenly weighing that wet fur may not be pleasant to lay against. ]

[massochism]

Ah... I wouldn't mind going in. If it's troublesome with your fur, I can stay beside it though.

[of course they have similar worries that are just so different. he's... not worried at all about the wet fur, himself. if need be, he could always dry them off, after all.

which, it finally occurs to him—]

Oh, yes. I can use magic to help us get dry afterward, if that helps.

[bardische]

[ he presses his chin to Olivine’s head in silent laughter even as he goes to ease them both into the water. The other clearly wants this, and that’s enough to make Basch’s decision. ]

I keep forgetting how flexible your magic is.

[ the water isn’t too deep, nor is there a fast-moving current, so he squeezes Olivine before easing him to his feet, hands immediately going to gently rub the drying mess from his torso. He can smell the change in his fur, ears going back in shyness, tail straining to keep above the water. He reminds himself drying won’t be difficult, focusing instead on holding Olivine steady. ]

Still feeling alright? Fatigue or dizziness are normal.

[massochism]

Hehe. I didn't train so long for nothing, after all.

[not... that they've talked about his training so far. it's clear in the way he acts, sure, but still. by the time Basch eases him to his feet, he seems to have more or less recovered, a shiver running down his spine as the blond rubs the drying mess from his torso.

his cheeks heat up all over again, a warm smile drawing across his lips as he follows suit. cleaning up is easy enough, after all.]

I'm alright. I think it was mostly the amount of movement I wasn't used to... I ah. Have a lot of stamina in general, since my essence is usually so strong.

[he can't help but notice how Basch tries to keep his fur from getting too wet, reaching to brush fingers through his hair again.]

You don't need to worry about the water. This is something I can do to help take care of you, too.

[bardische]

I don’t know much about your training, or how essence works [ he admits shyly, hands finished with their task but just enjoying stroking the other’s warm skin. [ ] But I’d like to learn. And if you’d rather lie down next time, or something else entirely, just tell me.

[ then he flushes, feeling called out, but nods, easing his posture and letting his tail settle into the water. It’s not unpleasant, it just makes him self-conscious. But olivine’s hands are still on his own torso, wrapped in his fur like it’s normal, and it’s the least miserable he’s ever felt about the curse. Even if he still hopes the next time they do this he will be human. ]

[massochism]

I'll teach you as much as you'd like. [He's always so happy to share knowledge, after all.] Anything you want to know, if I can explain it, I will. And—there... are a lot of ways I'd like to try it, honestly.

[His head ducks with the admission, cheeks hot. It feels inappropriate to dwell on how many times he's thought about it, how many ways he's imagined Basch would look with him. Instead he focuses on just brushing fingers over fur and skin, gently soothing anything that seems tense.

The blond is a little more relaxed now, and that's worth everything.]

You always feel so nice under my fingers. [It's an absent remark, and now that he's cleaned off he can safely lean into the other.] sorry, I'm sure you weren't that dirty. I just... like touching you. We can go back whenever you're ready.

[He already promised to hold him until he couldn't anymore, after all. Olivine reminds himself of this, of the fact that he doesn't have to cling to every moment of sweet touch he can get.]

[bardische]

[ This shouldn't be moredifficult after they've been so close, but somehow it is. Like there's something to lose now. ]

I'd like to get to know you better, if that's all right. [ Voice low, head tilted down. And then it's his turn to flush again, heat tingling through him as Olivine admits that desire, clearly shy about it. And then he keeps talking, and Basch is having a harder time pretending Olivine doesn't like this as much as he does.

He lightly puts a damp hand under Olivine's face, tilting his chin up. ] I like you touching me, too. You don't need to apologize. And ... you should tell me, the other ways you want to try. When you're ready. I want to take care of you. [ But he's still red, heat stirring in him even spent as he is. ] I liked being with you.

[ But...the stream is chill, and he doesn't know how much time he has today. ]

This is lovely too, but, I'd like to make good on my promise to hold you.

[massochism]

Of course it is. I don't know if there's much to really learn though.

[it's stated with another soft laugh, quiet after until his chin is tilted up. he... likes that, too. it's so gentle, so sweet, and Olivine just doesn't want to let him go.

he has to, for their safety, but... until then...]

Alright... I will. Most of it is just vague, though... so you may need to help me fill in some gaps. [it doesn't bother him at all that Basch is more experienced, after all. in fact, it's a bit of a relief. his heart skips when the blond speaks again, breath catching in his throat.] ... I liked it, too.

[smiling again, he reaches to take the other's hand.]

Yes, let's return. We can dry you up at the cave. And—I should be alright to walk, I just want to hold your hand.

[bardische]

[ Basch would argue there's a lot to learn. He doesn't know much of Olivine's preferences, or his past, or what he needs. But that Olivine is interested in him learning is enough.

He's unaware of how soft and warm his own expression is, gaze locked on Olivine, heart so full it could burst. ]

I can do that [ he promises. And then he freezes for a moment, eyes falling to where Olivine takes his hand. It's so...sweet. And again, somehow more intimate than their earlier activities. Basch has had plenty of sex in his life. It's been rare someone wants to linger after, let alone...be with him.

His surprise turns to a shy smile, and he squeezes Olivine's hand in return as he turns back toward the cave. ] I can do that too.

[ It's hard to keep a focus on where his feet are, with how much he keeps glancing at Olivine and then their hands, his smile so wide his face is starting to hurt. Gods, this is foolish.

But it feels safe, too. Easy. Like a piece that never fit before. ]

[massochism]

[he won't have to worry too much, because Olivine has every intention of keeping comfortably close. despite his attention being largely on the taller man, he's still alert—the area is largely abandoned, but monsters can hide anywhere.

granted, that's probably not an issue here, especially with Basch being half-transformed and likely intimidating to most of the sane ones, but still. the walk back is peaceful, filling a space Olivine hadn't realised was so hollow before, calming many of his own doubts.

he does linger a little on his own history as they walk, though. the things he's... afraid to talk about. the guilt he feels for being an individual, and why. the expectations levied on him as a priest, and as the Chosen of God. right now, those are distant thoughts.]

You don't have any issues with heat like this, do you? Not—flame, but just warmth.

[he asks it as they approach the mouth of the cave again. flame would be dangerous, after all, outside of making an actual fire, but he doesn't want to alarm the man when he begins casting his magic.]

[bardische]

[ He's only so able to be lost in Olivine because his more sensitive ears tell him there's nothing close. It's one of the few benefits of this state -- the nastier things leave him alone.

So he just enjoys the closeness too, and the novelty of being together outside of a locked room, even if there's still no one out here.

And then they're back, and he feels a sense of longing when he wonders again how long until the transformation progresses. But it's only a few days. This isn't a goodbye.

He shakes his head at the question, body still thoroughly damp. ] In the summer, if it's humid and muggy, but beyond that, no.

[massochism]

I understand. You may be upset with the water territory in the summer then, though.

[he doesn't quite laugh, but moves to lead Basch back to where they can settle down again, finally releasing his hand.]

If anything does make you uncomfortable, please tell me right away.

[Olivine may be confident in his abilities, and in manipulating essence as a whole, but Basch's comfort still comes first. no matter what happens. warm hands smooth over his fur once they've settled in, a light breeze brushing over them both.

it's also warm, not dissimilar to the feeling of lying out in the sun on a breezy spring day. there's a little healing magic woven in just to ease any small aches, no more than a massage might do. the priest's face is slightly pressed in concentration, but he doesn't seem stressed or tense at all. that gaze remains on his muscles and face, searching for any reason to stop, or anything that seems to feel best.]

[bardische]

[ He smiles lightly, shaking his head, but his heart leaps shyly at the idea of Olivine thinking about him still being here in the summer. Is it a good idea? He doesn't know. But it feels nice to consider. ]

I've certainly dealt with it before. Soldiers don't get much choice in location.

[ He lets Olivine lead, appreciating the way they trade off that role so easily. The warning is appreciated, but it's not necessary. Olivine's magic feels, if not familiar, very safe. That, and nearly nothing could take away from the pleasantness of Olivine's hands on him.

He is fascinated, though, as the warm breeze quickly chasing the moisture from his fur. He doesn't notice the healing spell, though finds his stamina surprising; usually the transformation is more painful. ]

Did you want to sit with me, or lie down? [ Because his priority is on making good on his promise, as long as possible. ]

[massochism]

Still, it would be best if you could be comfortable wherever you are.

[at least there are plenty of simple ways to keep cool in the summer here... but there's no need to think past it now. focusing on Basch himself is the only reasonable course of action.

when his shoulders relax and the breeze fades, he exhales a comfortable sigh before looking up at Basch again.]

Ah... either sounds good, honestly. Perhaps lying down would give you the most freedom of movement, for the coming transformation? Otherwise I'd be happy to settle in your lap again.

[it thrills him, being so honest. saying what he means, and not having to worry about how it's interpreted.]

[bardische]

Some things are worth discomfort [ he murmurs, not aware his gaze is a little too fixed on Olivine's face.

And then he falls to a flush, not expecting the bold suggestion. He doesn't want to risk being involved again, not without knowing when the transformation will continue, but he aches to be able to accept. So he does allow himself to reach out, stroking gently down Olivine's side. ]

I would enjoy both, but I think lying may be wiser today. Should I get the bedrolls? [ He doesn't mind the dirt, but he doesn't want to ask Olivine to tolerate it for his sake. ]

[massochism]

That's true.

[he's not sure exactly what Basch is referring to, doesn't want to get too familiar and think it might be himself, but it makes him happy nonetheless. and though he hadn't really been suggesting to be involved again, he realises belatedly how it must have sounded. his cheeks flush in turn, especially as fingers stroke down his side. ah... it's so nice.]

I think it's alright like this. The stone is cool, but it will warm up pretty quickly. [they are still naked, after all.]

[bardische]

[ Basch lays down first, settling against the stone before opening his arm to Olivine, face still pink and shy as he does. Some part of him is telling him this can only go wrong, but it's only a little voice.

And he's trying not to indulge the thoughts of what it might be like sharing a room at an inn, with a mattress beneath them instead of stone. ]

[massochism]

[there's very little hesitation before he settles in, letting his fingers ruffle gently through fur before sliding up and around to the back of his neck. it feels strange, how easy it is just to settle in against him. warm, safe. not alone.

and of course, he too is avoiding his own thoughts, because they need to make it through the transformation first anyway. what happens in an inn room... that can definitely be a thought for later. will, probably, be a thought while he's waiting for Basch's return.]

You're so warm... [a soft murmur, as his eyes fall closed.] Thank you... for letting this happen. I never thought I would be able to have something like this.

[for trusting him and wanting him and... everything really.]

[bardische]

[ Basch's breath comes in a sharp huff. He somehow had not anticipated Olivine facing him, let alone holding him so sweetly. But it's only a moment before his own arm slings around the other's back, pulling him closer and tucking his head against Olivine's. A lifetime of intimacy being verboten when sex was not will take more than a day to break. He doesn't know what this is yet, but he knows he can reciprocate.

It's his contentment that keeps his voice even and low, his own eyes shut as he strokes Olivine's skin. ] Why is that?

[ Was it just shyness, since Olivine had been a virgin still? Because he was smart and kind and patient, not to mention beautiful and with some rank. Basch would think people were knocking down his door, given the behavior in town. ]

And you are too, you know. Warm.

[massochism]

Ah... well, it isn't seemly for a priest. We're not forbidden from finding life partners, but... I find it hard to separate from physical need, and I...

[He pauses there, considering how to say it. Hiding in quiet places, listening to people being intimate in public, he...]

... I must always be a proper example of what people expect from a priest. So it's been... difficult to open up. And besides, I still struggle to understand people.

[yeah, he's not a good liar, but this blend of reality and drilled-in idealism at least sounds like something he himself believes.]